There is this theory, grounded in Jungian psychology that has been passed on, revised and charted by mature travellers and translators seeking altitude. Archetypes.
Entitlement
The male psyche is a labyrinth of possibilities ranging from the mature King, Warrior, Magician, Lover paradigms down to any number of infantile variations often seen in our anti-heroes, villains and politicians. In our Marvel infused universe, sometimes it's fun to love the bad guy.
The latter's mission? To capitalize on becoming the ultimate victim, amassing followers and making all those who see their obvious weakness as accomplices in the plot to overthrow their righteous agenda. The terrifying clown capers conditionally condoned … their sadistic masochistic impotence addicted to behaviours quietly sanctioned by those unable to escape their own stunted afflictions having been reminded over and over since they were kids, that they are damaged dummies too. Hell, maybe it's time to STFU and grow a pair!
It’s an entitlement that defies all other entitlements because it is rooted in abstract absolution; a dystopian despair in a perilous pact with a malevolent martyr.
Tis the age of the sanctimonious sociopath.
The Know-it-all Trickster
Every human can relate to it, albeit some more than others. That resounding resentment justified in jest. That incessant need for attention, acknowledgment, relevance with recognition they never got as kids so now? It’s payback time. If I can't have it? I'll just TAKE it!
The tyrannical trickster with a penchant for pain, posturing for punitive posterity. It’s making his kid eat every bite of his boot leather 'tough love' liver and onions because that’s what his Dad made him do. What's necessary. You see, nothing in this world is free and everything you get, you must fight for because if you don't - THEY will! It's a self sustaining liquid lunch logic that defies explanation with zero visibility. Self preservation demanding danger. A trick.
Most become fathers. Some billionaires, famous actors, musicians, movie producers and yes … politicians. The obvious giveaway is the forced stance, outwardly appearing solid, strong, hyper-masculine and impenetrable but to those who look more closely, they are still children, having never evolved in their emotional maturity past adolescence. Shadows.
Never loved so they too are unable to love. Their evolution is almost always defined by their parenting, specifically their fathers who pass on the torch of dysfunction to their sons; proud of being able to watch them take on the mutation like it’s a well earned boy scout badge to cherish ordained in faith. The words empathy & humility are in fact in their vocabulary only they don’t subscribe to the stupidity. Feeling real joy is weakness (a lesson learned early on).
King, Warrior, Magician, Lover
Our shadow systems become murky versions of what could have been. An idea.
Where real Kings leave a legacy, tyrants leave torment. Kings develop practical wisdom with self discipline, acquiring then becoming mindful mentors, detaching from their mothers and yet are decisive protectors. Warriors embrace fear, core values and resilience against corrupt cons. Magicians celebrate creative diversity and commit to lifelong learning. Lovers cultivate patience in waiting, becoming spontaneous benefactors of benevolence.
And so … The corporate "yes man," the wife-beater, the hot-shot male junior executive and the emotionally distant father are all boys pretending to be men and most never become one. In all the procurements, bluster and bombast there remains a sobbing ‘crybaby’ because that’s what Dad called him again and again when he was 9 and that’s what stuck.
Inspiring Integrity
The mature masculine exists. It’s at minor league baseball in the stands, cheering his son on, then taking him out for ice cream after the game; congratulating him for a solid effort even though he struck out and his team losing. Being consistent in his messaging around consequences when one doesn’t keep their word/promises made. Inspiring integrity. It’s showing him how to build a tree house in the back yard, ride a bike, drive a car and love his new wife after he gets married. It’s being open and present when his son tells him he is gay. Failing an exam in college, reminding him that it’s just a temporary setback. It’s about encouraging him to learn and grow without ever forcing him to be someone he is not.
It’s becoming a grandfather and putting his 6 year old grandson on his knee and reading him a passage out of ‘The Tale of Peter Rabbit’ only to suddenly stop and let him run to his Nana who hands him a cookie; letting him go with a smile. Thankful. Content.
It’s about letting those he loves live their lives without interfering.
Epilogue
Your children are not your enemies - you need not fear them. Differences are not battles that you must win or lose. If you lock yourself into seeming warfare, all perspective becomes lost.
Terrible and hurtful things are said. The whole family suffers and the wounds are slow to heal. Win or lose are words a family does not need. Me? I like the idea of being remembered for someone who nurtured kindness, not blame.
Jim Lamarche - Sept. 2024
SHADOW OF A MAN
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