Saturday 13 December 2014

learning to FLY

i'm falling
criss crossing


i see you in my scream dream
drip dropping from 2 miles up at 6am - just above and beyond the city line

my arms and legs are flopping like jellyfish - "mayday" - no wait
warm in my bed and yet in this frosty freeze - dairy queen

 because i'm so high up - OMG it's - bliss burning
night parachuting - only

no chute

and in the delirium of my descent
i can stretch my arms and elevate again - at will
up and down - around and around - so fun

like the 'fridge ride' Dad gave me
as a child - missing that
the drop

we are the reckless, we are the wild youth
chasing visions of our futures 

it's in the assimilation of
all the tragedies and injustices in this world, peering
downwards - seeking the truth - the light

in that flash - knowing it could be 
all over at any moment
awakening - wow

i live for this dream - bring it ON

l e a r n i n g   t o   F L Y

from the perfect start - to the finish line

like a cold swim on a hot, late summer labour day
the last frigid plunge i'll get 
this year 

that one last - high dive 
into the chill - cold
water whisper

drip dropping 

it was a flood that wrecked this heart

ok, you're not getting the severity of this
it's all over

the pool is closing
in 30 minutes - for the season
but there's always

the freezing lake
the calm, caustic contingency

it was a flood that wrecked
this heart

with - or without you 
"i'll be back - i promise"

setting fire to our insides - for fun
collecting names of the lovers

that went wrong

it's that feeling when you let go
surrender to the unknown

knowing anything can happen
the catch and release

the all or nothing
here then gone

i'm spinning in it every day
with the clock ticking
and the days 
turning into years

hey, i haven't seen you
in a long long time

why is that


i remember you in a distant memory
i LIVE for this dream

in absentia

always in your romper room - by yourself
doing what you do - all your disturbing distractions
graceless - unsavory - absinthe abstract

the elevation proposition prophecy
gone awry - gone wrong

your tumbler toys

i never really knew what went on in there
behind that closed dusty door
never daring darling

to enter

sitting on the cold wood floor - just outside
waiting - wondering
 head down

waiting, listening
to any sound worth listening to
in fascination

ok, you were there one day - then gone the next
no warning - absent of sound - blinded in a silent science
vanishing when i least expected it
still sensing your shadow in my oblong orbit

leaving me alone again

just when i thought
i was home again

the urge to lift comes and goes
in that late autumn breeze - at dawn
leaves having long fallen - long forgotten
under stone covers, alone - cold - winter
arriving again - hey

what's that - up there
"hey asshole - i miss you

were you ever there for me - into me?"

shadows settle on the place, that you left
our minds are troubled by the emptiness

if you're in love, then you are the lucky one
'cause most of us are bitter over someone
setting fire to our insides for fun


or maybe we're in the time tunnel
and none of this is real
a delusion - a trick

a free conditional offer
pending - pretending
OAC - on approved

or maybe it's our deliverance
our reason to press forward - to believe
in a world where people actually care
outside of what's left - our immediate family
a world where there's real hope

or maybe, the jury is still out 
whilst silently screaming

you caused it

whatever - i need to 'suit up' every once in a while
i need to feel what it feels like
to be weightless

free again

or maybe, just maybe
it's just the alarm going off - snooze
the usual noises - same every morning
shower, dress, coffee, lunch-pack
and going back to work
to do what you do

every day

l e a r n i n g   t o   F L Y


and maybe, just maybe
that's ok too

dedicated to my brother - David

Friday 24 October 2014

shadow system

i'm unshy on the skyline

there's this collision course
it's on the radar

wait - gone - sheeit

creeping up from below and behind
around the side of us - YES

'bring it on dick-face'

a bat on the edge
with a bad mind

S h a d o w   S y s t e m

like in a mad max movie
where all they want
is your fuel

'fuck you asshole
it's all mine' 

i feel it every day, getting on the Toronto transit
on my way to work - the tension burden

that everyday people feel - carry
around with them - ever so courteously negotiating a seat
on the morning bus - quietly pissed and afraid

pulling away

she's running - i can see her and so does the driver
and he's stopping to let her on - because she's hot - frantic - "thank you"
flashing her metropass - panting, stepping into the mushy cesspool

of risky riders

flustered and frustrated
bus is packed and 
no one is giving
her a seat

from a distance

that look on her face
reading her 

OMG - she's stunning

thinking - she's just had a fight with her nowhere husband
and one of her kids is sick, had to leave him
alone at home - in bed
no school today 

no babysitter

"turn up the good - turn down the suck"

why does it hurt so much and why
do I wear 6 inch heels
all the time even
on the bus 

in winter

why - because my married boss 
likes it - when i look hot
and secretly wants

to fuck me


life is difficult

great art is seeing/hearing something different
every time you take it in 

good content still ringing true
substance over style - what you'll be remembered for
will always be about the essence
what you bring to the table
rising to the occasion 

getting it out there in that flash
of inspiration

 "We're in a giant car heading towards a brick wall
and everyone's arguing over where 
they're going to sit"

David Suzuki

a balcony for my bed - i hang on

i've suddenly come to this place in my life
where i don't care what people think anymore
of what i say - think - believe in

life is short, and death approaches

demanding that i subscribe to your inner turmoil
no not a chance - it's all yours 
your demons - your closet

jaded?  yep

it's no wonder - that there are so many 'loners' in this world 
scraping for something - to believe in, hang on to

but no

it's what they want us to believe
compliantly asleep - late for work
yet again - anticipating

the choppy chew out
yet another

what's wrong with you
numbers guy

"where's your numbers"

ok, bottom line - you'll need to kick it up a notch
if you want to keep this JOB 


to my vertigo, i hang on

i had serious hope in 2008, when Obama
was elected - ok, maybe yes - hope

i'm not so sure anymore

S h a d o w   S y s t e m 

there's a shooter in Ottawa
drove in and took a precious soldier out
'radicalism' it's the new buzzword
like a flavour of the day
or employee of the month
kind of thing

let's just say 'convenient' 
he's one of THEM


our 'highway of heros' (yawn) is yet, just another publicity smear
intended to illuminate the illusion 

ok - our soldiers deserve some recognition after the fact
dying - for "the cause" - regardless
of its relevance

but it's all really about justifying
our need to invade
continuing the

and so, here at home
what's this


ok, just a matter of time right
all the fear mechanisms
gently choreographed

in a hidden system
that kills

priority print out 
in a ticker-tape tsunami
pounding us in that symphonic slam
our Ottawa shooter is a problem

in that he's Canadian born 
with personal issues
no no no

not a terrorist

(contrary to what they would have us believe)
all part of the bigger picture - the one we don't see

ok, thinking - all men carry shadow systems
it's not what we asked for but here it is
we're born and bred to deceive
and compete with each other

regardless of where
we're from

hey brown kid
you're in my way

the global agenda

our children 
passing the curse on
to the next generation

our sons specifically

working together? NOT
an option - nope, not in the cards
you're either on our side or on their side

divide and conquer 
us and them

all part of the new world order
yes, this conversation may be recorded
for quality control purposes 

i mean, ok - there's what goes on - on the surface
and then there's that which lurks beneath

and all about what goes on later
after the festivities are all over
later in the evening

and into the night 

and back around again

some way to - let go

it infiltrates our feminine nature
and it takes over

it trickles down from government
federal, provincial and yes
even the municipalities
into our media
and we


"hey - he abused me too" 

we absorb the drug in the movies we watch
like 'The Purge' where there's that one 12 hours every year
when you can get your jam on
and take everyone OUT!

and all for 'the cause' 

a balcony for my bed
i hang on

all i want - is for you to
LOVE ME - ok
let's do

this thing you like
to do

yes i really do 
like this 


 a slow death ahead
is a sad slide

TV shows like The Walking Dead, Penny Dreadful - even Game of Thrones
i eat them up too 
by it

the shadow system
is designed to survive - then encroach
like that lone cockroach - light of day
crawling out after the blast in Hiroshima years ago
looking for food - another given - all creatures

hunger for real meat

i can do this
i can live another day
but dodging bullets and always on the run

is no fun hun

requesting reassurance - shit - oK
i can make a real difference here still

wishful thinking

i mean - i have everything i need
nice car, clothes - an overpriced condo
in Parkdale Toronto - large screen TV
stupid job that pays real good

trophy girlfriend
yep - hot 

my 'rainforest espresso' coffee addiction
from Timothy's - no not Tim Hortons
Timothy takes care of me

i'm set dude

whatever goes on in the trenches
all those wretched stories in the news
little kids up to their knees in muck
and haven't eaten in a week

not a worry - i'm covered

and yet still - fearful of what's coming back around
from behind us

those skeletons in the closet
re-arranging, constipating

perfectly formed, to feel it fall
like lead 

afraid of what we'll read in the morning paper
and yet consuming it regardless
because a reason to survive
is paramount

to life

it's a system
that's been carefully thought out
a give or take kinda thang
only more the latter

 you either subscribe or you don't
most do

oh BTW, Netflix rules man
no wait - i can get it all



'get - the - fuck - OUT of here'
an HDMI cable is all i need?  ok wot the fuk 

illegal?  even better!

bring it ... ON 

first order of business?
you - gotta go dude

but wait no dick-wad!
you get to frikkin choose guy
change the channel, smoke a bowl and
switch into glide

everything is right here

the world is at your fingertips
choke that chicken

it's all in the reckless recycling
of our

S h a d o w   S y s t e m

getting into bed with them
is just an option - it's all so delicately consensual - yes?

you really don't need
to go there if you don't want to

just like playing this clip and reading this again
all up to you - all these amazing choices
right there in your hand
on your universal remote

with that little black button
that you have your thumb on
right now

gut feeling
you want to go here
unsure and yet willing 

to my vertigo - i hang on