Saturday 13 December 2014

learning to FLY

i'm falling
criss crossing


i see you in my scream dream
drip dropping from 2 miles up at 6am - just above and beyond the city line

my arms and legs are flopping like jellyfish - "mayday" - no wait
warm in my bed and yet in this frosty freeze - dairy queen

 because i'm so high up - OMG it's - bliss burning
night parachuting - only

no chute

and in the delirium of my descent
i can stretch my arms and elevate again - at will
up and down - around and around - so fun

like the 'fridge ride' Dad gave me
as a child - missing that
the drop

we are the reckless, we are the wild youth
chasing visions of our futures 

it's in the assimilation of
all the tragedies and injustices in this world, peering
downwards - seeking the truth - the light

in that flash - knowing it could be 
all over at any moment
awakening - wow

i live for this dream - bring it ON

l e a r n i n g   t o   F L Y

from the perfect start - to the finish line

like a cold swim on a hot, late summer labour day
the last frigid plunge i'll get 
this year 

that one last - high dive 
into the chill - cold
water whisper

drip dropping 

it was a flood that wrecked this heart

ok, you're not getting the severity of this
it's all over

the pool is closing
in 30 minutes - for the season
but there's always

the freezing lake
the calm, caustic contingency

it was a flood that wrecked
this heart

with - or without you 
"i'll be back - i promise"

setting fire to our insides - for fun
collecting names of the lovers

that went wrong

it's that feeling when you let go
surrender to the unknown

knowing anything can happen
the catch and release

the all or nothing
here then gone

i'm spinning in it every day
with the clock ticking
and the days 
turning into years

hey, i haven't seen you
in a long long time

why is that


i remember you in a distant memory
i LIVE for this dream

in absentia

always in your romper room - by yourself
doing what you do - all your disturbing distractions
graceless - unsavory - absinthe abstract

the elevation proposition prophecy
gone awry - gone wrong

your tumbler toys

i never really knew what went on in there
behind that closed dusty door
never daring darling

to enter

sitting on the cold wood floor - just outside
waiting - wondering
 head down

waiting, listening
to any sound worth listening to
in fascination

ok, you were there one day - then gone the next
no warning - absent of sound - blinded in a silent science
vanishing when i least expected it
still sensing your shadow in my oblong orbit

leaving me alone again

just when i thought
i was home again

the urge to lift comes and goes
in that late autumn breeze - at dawn
leaves having long fallen - long forgotten
under stone covers, alone - cold - winter
arriving again - hey

what's that - up there
"hey asshole - i miss you

were you ever there for me - into me?"

shadows settle on the place, that you left
our minds are troubled by the emptiness

if you're in love, then you are the lucky one
'cause most of us are bitter over someone
setting fire to our insides for fun


or maybe we're in the time tunnel
and none of this is real
a delusion - a trick

a free conditional offer
pending - pretending
OAC - on approved

or maybe it's our deliverance
our reason to press forward - to believe
in a world where people actually care
outside of what's left - our immediate family
a world where there's real hope

or maybe, the jury is still out 
whilst silently screaming

you caused it

whatever - i need to 'suit up' every once in a while
i need to feel what it feels like
to be weightless

free again

or maybe, just maybe
it's just the alarm going off - snooze
the usual noises - same every morning
shower, dress, coffee, lunch-pack
and going back to work
to do what you do

every day

l e a r n i n g   t o   F L Y


and maybe, just maybe
that's ok too

dedicated to my brother - David