Tuesday 19 March 2019


through hard work, perseverance and faith in God
you can live your dreams

Ben Carson

I F  Y O U  B E L I E V E
sound up

a jim lamarche remix
from the album ONE LIFE
assembled in photoshop, logic audio and final cut

  read more of Jim's blog posts here 


our Father, who art in heaven
hallowed be thy name
thy kingdom come 
thy will be done on earth 
as it is in heaven

give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us

and lead us not into temptation 
but deliver us from evil 
for thine is the kingdom 
the power, and the glory 
for ever and ever 


it puts you and me
inside the shadow

the story behind if you believe

mixed messages - not intended
when I was assembling the music
I saw religious symbology
and was reminded 
that believing
in God

fundamentally changes nothing
it just makes us feel a bit better about ourselves
for a few minutes

Saturday 9 March 2019


we think sometimes that poverty
is only being hungry, naked and homeless
the poverty of being unwanted
unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty

mother teresa

sound up

a desperado has nothing to lose
so everything is on the table
and anything is possible

a jim lamarche remix
from the album ONE LIFE
assembled in logic audio and final cut

  read more of Jim's blog posts here 


the story behind Desperado

slow fades are good

I like long cross-dissolves best
ample time to leave one thought behind
before entering a new one 

in and around 1983, my wife to be
Jody Terio and I put a show together
and performed it to a modest/artsy/financially challenged 
Thursday night crowd at the Rivoli on Queen West in Toronto
it was called Nuclear Cartoons
I wrote the title track
we were in our 20's
and had a lot
in common

I had just met her and she inspired me 
it was all very crude, but I remember
the crowd responding by clapping
after each piece
genuinely appreciating
the effort we had put into it

it was an audio-visual thing
we had taken out a 16mm film projector
from Toronto Public Library (free)
something you could do back then
and we showed holocaust pictures
and synchronized the music
I had created during downtime
at the recording studio
where I worked at the time

there was this new thing called VHS
but the players were a TV thing and
we wanted larger, projected images

since then, a cinematic sensibility
is something I've been drawn to 
new sounds and pictures

36 years later
and a tad more refined
it's kinda what I wanted to do back then
and now can - my mission
a new vocation

I'm still on the clock
but it's my clock


Tuesday 5 March 2019


you will fold your arms and hands
then you will fold
 you will let the rain-water wash you clean

in the prison you choose to live inside  
your church ... your jar

you pray

every day ... the same way - you pray
for a signal ... a tricky trickle of light through your retina embryo
your 'common sense' lens

in your instrument of carnal observation and delicately honed judgement
in curiosity, knowing that we have such little time - waiting 
you look, for some sign of life ... in the mirror pool 
over and over and over again
forever cautious of the shadows ... on guard 
on-look for the deception

  always lurking ... 'look, what's that'? 
you were taught well ... the lies ... the shame
and in your moment of solace, that comforting voice returns

that's a good girl
daddy will take care of you


 yet oddly alluring ... you take him in again
but like a smart soul
and like any animal or insect with integrity and sharp teeth
you continue to pray for peace and order within yourself
and in the attachments that envelope ... you will submit
surrender ... to that which you cannot change

I am a failure
so it appears

you will learn to love yourself again ... unconditionally
and in the awakening, you will see life again
from your child’s perspective

when you were 6, you sat in a garden 
alone - you don’t remember
in awe of that first praying mantis, you WILL remember it again

maybe you captured it in a glass jar delicately in observation
even with some grass - that it doesn't eat 
so it had food - wishful thinking
like the predator that YOU are
even poking holes in the lid so that he can breathe air

not interested in the grass
not threatened by this captivity
not interested in anything but what's here right now
entertaining eternity

careful observation requires patience
tedious minutes turn into hours
do not disturb
watching - conclusion 

and so, in your benevolent repose you may have even put a stick in the jar
so that you may see it better, only to grow impatient and let it go later
back to it's natural habitat ... into the wild - landing in the familiar

distant thunder - quieter - that single raindrop on your hand, looking up
into the weather - no quarter - no way out

that deafening silence returning, and yet
in that moment you are truly still
in the perfect storm


 in your macro focus you realize, finally getting it
that consciousness is just what you make it
everything that is “behind” you is just THAT

part of your past

there is nothing more than this green leaf
that you munch on in this moment - like a potato chip
humble and innocent
time stands still ... wide eyed and crystalized
and so, the mantis lands on familiar ground again and re-adapts
but doesn't fly away for the longest time
totally aware
that it's captor is still right there watching intently

no fear

it begins to eat again ... watching in fascination
watching ... learning, then suddenly ... it's gone
it's never enough ... you hunger for more
it's a longing to connect with something bigger and better

but not knowing how

and so in your grieving; in the pain, suffering ...
remorse, despair ... guilt and blame
that was inflicted on you at an early age ... surfacing

you will finally GET that it’s just baggage, garbage
you don’t need to carry it around anymore, like the burden
you were supposed to nurture every day of your life
the curse that you inherited, long ago
and accepted your karmic legacy

that was THEM not you
this ticket is null and void
this hand of cards is a trick, the deck was stacked
redemption arrives ... finally
or does it?  maybe this is a trick too

you question yourself

and so
you will cry for a long time, like you've never cried
weeping for hours in mourning, shivering, totally alone
it will consume you, only momentarily
your memento drifts into a peaceful slumber, yet again
yes ... you will sleep for a long time - always tired
only to awaken to the same mistake you keep making

over and over and over again

like a moth to the flame

you persist
you continually ache for that feeling
of being ripped apart in your heart and then your soul
slow burn ... over and over ... hurts so good
in the charred wreckage you dig down
deep down - into your pit of despair ... abyss management - just one clue
longing for closure, but no ... not yet

you will however, persist ... in your quest for clarity and freedom
sifting through endless chaos theories and utter confusion
where is it?  i know it's here somewhere
 again,  folding, crashing, scraping

P R Y I N G   M N T I S

you will self-destruct and breakdown yet again
only something will finally change

an unscheduled exorcism - departure and arrival
the executioner and the victim inside you will have left you, finally
those little voices in your head that control you will be gone
you will feel lighter ... you will feel healthier

you will feel whole again


and in this moment of new-found clarity you will release
like you never knew possible
and when you resurface - in your tenuous tenement
and see that your guardian angel is gone
you will let her go with grace and humility
for you will KNOW

that she loves you wherever you go
 only because you do