Friday 13 February 2015

divide and conquer

you be the moon i'll be the earth
and when we burst
start over o darling

begin again

my cubicle is my sanctuary - ok
i have my plant - and - my Homer Simpson bobbly
tis my time - to begin again 

so what - are you looking at


have you ever had the feeling - that you're being watched

you're not alone
we are all being watched
on any given day - at any given moment

from the time you arrive at work
until the time you leave
even at home, where you think you're safe
nope - they got you nailed down 
every move, everything you say
everything you do

carefully scrutinized

d i v i d e   a n d   c o n q u e r


i've been watching you creep
around my wandering feet
trying for years to flee


i am driven to this tropical tarantula turd
 in that this cyclical style of seduction
(in the workplace in particular)
is still popular - yes, in an 'old-school' frame of mind

it's far worse in middle school - private post secondary

it's all around us - from the top of the food chain
spiraling downwards - wiping out those on the bottom
oh, and because I've experienced it first-hand

saying that micromanagement
is evil is an understatement

we accomplish way more
when we are given the freedom to produce
on our own terms - inspired by our own means
some people don't get that


in the first 20 years of my time in the work-force
i got lucky - a media arts teacher
working for various colleges
left to do 'my thing'
doing it well 

teaching kids how to record good music
in a multi-million dollar studio?  i'll take that 
ok $40/hr to guide curious
young people

but alas
all good things - come to an end

it was relatively stress-free
and i adored it - just because of that
a natural extension of the creative process
in a world that still allowed that

the freedom to do good work
and loving it at the same time


when teaching dried up, i was forced to take a job
at a private career college as an 'education counselor' - a total farce

i lived in India in late 2008
and came back to this 
the antithesis
of humility

run by those 
who were short-sighted
expected to produce results

middle eastern owners/management
surveillance - cameras everywhere
watching everything
listening to every

twice the hours - half the pay 

counseling was just a front (a lie)
it was really a 'sales' job
a friendly white face

reassuring mixed races in Mississauga Ontario
that it is all going 
to be ok

if they sign up for a garbage collection education
in healthcare or business (at our reputable PCC)
beezwaxx bottom feed free-frall in a
fermenting farcical
frostee freeze

i hated it

ah late - again


punching the clock - literally
exposed (openly) when i missed
a few minutes 
or if my sales quota
was short that month

all up on the board
and spread around for all the other office dogs to see
like that scene in Glengarry Glen Ross 

you know the one
first prize is a Cadillac Eldrorado
second prize?  a set of steak knives

"put that coffee DOWN - coffee - is for closers"


for the first time in my life
i got to feel what it was like
to be in an oppressive work environment
where everything i did
was carefully monitored
i learned a lot

lost 10 years of my life in 4 years 
unbelievable stress

monthly targets that had to be met - or else
regardless of the circumstances
brutal - yes, almost 4 years of it
from late 2008 - 2012
office politics abundant
my skin thickened 

relearning my ABC's

they played us against each other

by a spiritually underprivileged Jordanian woman
who has no life

watching - listening
manipulation rules

yep, she's born Muslim - one foot in
and one foot out - now in
a new world

confused?  da

secretly fornicating with the (very married) College Director
also Muslim - yep it's all just a tad
daddy-doo taboo
ok, she has no idea
what the word 'fornicating' even means
and it doesn't matter 

broken english
i restructured the language on their website early on
because i was the only one on staff
who could - evil lurking
their Canadian

little puppy doggy
the only one who could speak our language
properly - an asset - yes
bonus boner

all the while thinking - this is almost incestuous
and has to be frowned upon
in the Muslim world

that's just it - right on the line

ok, creepy crazy - over the top - insanity
office gossip - gross thoughts
ok she (cringing)

wanting to be - a goddess - loved by Daddy
not even close


(ok, let's just say
that she looked nothing like this) 

no plain - NOT attractive - overweight - but
the quintessential "wannabee" nonetheless
desperately wanting to be - a superstar
(like on TV and in the movies)
sexy - "desirable"

taking out all her internal frustrations
on everyone else around her

nothing against Muslims
actually finding the culture (ok sorry) religion alluring (ok, amusing)
simply observing that hypocrisy is universal
irreverent - in focus - fashion framed
all forgettable


ok, repression is all she knows - tragic
her idea of success is all about the posturing -  pushing all the right buttons
pulling the necessary strings - whatever it takes - to shine in the light
 coming from a broken childhood (obviously)
Daddy issues (guessing) - and a new agenda 
anal retention - only because that
is not on his menu 

even tho she really
wants that kind
of penetration

yanked into a cold coffee office oriface
reminded, over and over

and over again


you be the moon i'll be the earth
and when we burst
start over o darling

begin again

you see - this is
my chance to start over
to make it right - once and for all

"and you have no idea
what i'm capable of"


ok, let's go through this - again

"you will be rewarded for work well done
and punished if not.  so, so - so
what is it, that you don't understand here?"

really?  that's what you're telling me
(no seriously - really?)

returning to my cubicle comfort
shell shocked


later figuring it out
that's what she was told - over and over
growing up - makes total sense now
OMG - this is a snow-job

i'm a fish out of water
a simple white boy in a sea of new brown friends
all of us trying desperately to fit in
and none of us having any idea

what we're doing here

fake laughter fills the Christmas (ah ok, Canadian holiday) office party
management's 'show' of good faith 
in the spirit of the season yawn
food is good - crappy company

looking over my shoulder at any given time
falafel sandwich in one hand - warm coke in the other
deviant deception rampant - reckless restraint
spilling tahini sauce on the soiled carpet
and my pants - fuck it - this sucks

in a rut

i didn't pay any attention to it at the time
an insipid game that these people need to play out
to satisfy something inherently wrong
in her (their) world - a default mechanism
designed to prop up her deflated ego
designed to penetrate the human spirit
designed to hurt more than help

destroy more than develop

all unfolding, just the way
it should be


ok confessing, all of my words here - needed
this is a purge - and it feels good to get it out
flashes in a bad dream - years ago

why i stayed (that job) so long is still a mystery to me
the word 'purgatory' comes to mind

being called into an office oriface?
always bad news

then there came the quarterlies
and that cherished one on one
with the Director

yep - same guy she's fucking
in secret, in private - the wife in absentia
an expensive experiment 

in emotional retardation
he's using her and she's
using me 

like the snake that eats it's tail
like the Canadian women who join ISIS
sacrificing "for the cause" - twisted sisters 
in a north american (new world) free-fall

i'm in a dry spell
numbers low

"oh yeah?  well maybe - you don't deserve better"

lessons on branding, battle strategies - sitting in weekly meetings
coherent - comatose - wondering how this could actually be - relevant
expected to conform/perform - expected to produce numbers
results - or else


what i have learned - later in life
is that tapping/trapping the human spirit - for monetary gain - comes with a price



late-breaking newsflash
you can't force results
it doesn't work that way
astounding to me that humanity still hangs 
onto a need to prevail at the expense of others

it's this thing we do
to get what we want 


you be the moon i'll be the earth
and when we burst
start over o darling

begin again


victims of the lie
on the baked and brittle borderlands
battle lines are drawn - no quarter
anything goes - and you too my friend
are up for grabs - unless you learn
how to play the game - properly
right - ok

i'm still learning

all this new terminal terminology
termination - a new set of rules
designed to convert
careful contingencies
learning - ah right

collateral damage 
it's necessary

all inclusive becoming suddenly non-inclusive
in a new world where - you snooze you lose
terminology torture
alpha delta one - launching co-ordinates confirmed
drone launch is a go
drop is authorized

dropping asset - asset launched - 3 minutes
to target

i need a smoke

 like i said - i've been lucky
many aren't 

happy ending here

millions still living in their cubicles
still taking the torture

we are taking it all in
in a way that we've become accustomed to
we continue to be punished
only because we allow it
welcome it

d i v i d e   a n d   c o n q u e r

in my new job here
i'm given the freedom to produce
in a forum of participation that's absent of repression
i get so much more done - i'm 5 times more productive
lucky again i guess

the freedom to find my own rhythm
pacing myself accordingly
on my terms - fruitful
what goes around comes around
no longer willing to take in the ongoing harassment
deciding that enough is enough

ok, i can actually make a serious difference here

inspiration wins over imprisonment
feel free to read - between the lines 

watch and listen
begin again

for jade

(play this clip, scroll up and - begin again - sometimes music nails it)