my name is luka

i live on the second floor

just don't ask me what it was

yes, we are exposed to twists and turns
tips and tricks

i am fascinated by this one 

only because i see it everywhere

surfacing on the physical plane
wishful sexual dysfunction

this is the guy from montreal 
who recently cut his lover 
up into pieces
and mailed his body parts - express post

i have a theory

every once in a while

the shadow wants to expose himself

only - because she ever so desperately wants to be seen

it's all in the news - it's headline horror
a chance to be real - out there

maybe it's because i'm crazy

i try not to act too proud

 

luka rocco magnotta

they only hit until you cry

after that - you don't ask why

you just don't argue - anymore 

i'm the tormented trickster - my eye on the throne

the displaced lover - throw me a bone

the morose magician - i'll make you see

my twisted sister - on a mission of mercy

playing out my game of russian roulette - in style

using all my available resources for a while
seamless state of the art technology
download me in HD - while i'm still free

having everything and yet tossing it all into the sea
because - i can - no choice now - you have to look - at me

right here - today

my show - done my way 
 

because fundamentally - it doesn't matter

mother fucker - father sucker
i am hearing - too much chatter

and so dear friends and faithful readers

welcome back to yet another erase and rewind

a dance in dementia - a trip down another musty corridor

my name is luka

it's an invented name, but it's what i go by - now

many interpretations - mixed yet always curious

the result in lubricated rotation - carefully cooked - changing
depending on where my moon-mood is - and who i'm with
to some ... i'm gay and to others
ac/dc - what difference does it make
when you're evenly baked

ok, i'm a boy, who is a girl sometimes - flawless form

questionable karma and yet - the perfect storm

am i a boy?  or am i a girl??  perhaps, you will never know

it doesn't matter - just going to make it so

it's a claim to fame
just needing 15 minutes
to launch my name

ok, maybe you still don't get it

i'm red hot

 i am larger than life

i am aphrodite and i am devout

hero and heroine

soon, you'll find out

i'll be whomever you want me to be - make me soft

take me and make me

because i am the one - who gets off

a lot of people tell me

that i'm devastatingly good looking

(ok - obvious abandonment issues - what-ever)

oh yeah
 

i kill things 

animals and people

 give me a cam

just don't ask me - how i am

i am part of something bigger and better

than YOU will ever be

because i am omnipotence personified

click and claim me

i want you to fuck me
before i kill you

my world is a non-linear extraction

in post-nuclear posturing

radiation sperm illumination - powder blue hue

only i am me - and you 

are just you

who is this piece of shit
chinese - extermination eclipsing ecstasy

i'll cut you and paste you, wherever i please

because i have you - on your knees

i can spew your body parts wherever i choose

cause in the end, i win and you lose
it's just assumed

that it's important news
stay tuned

my name is luka

 

i live on the second floor

i live upstairs from you

yes i think you've seen me before

if you hear something late at night

some kind of trouble, some kind of fight

just don't ask me what it was

boom boom

 wham bam - thank you mam

"that was great - what do i owe you"


(forgive me - a novelty post - i just love the sensibility of this
coming with all encompassing ramifications - excuse the pun)


boom boom

finish it - it's all mine
tell me, it's the perfect time
i told you I would wait 
to hide you from the rainbow

come to my bedroom 

 (play  the clip below)

tell me what's the joy of giving 
if you're never pleased
unless strep of
gets all that you believe

yell as all to know
i will never let you go
dread of my baseball
i will ask to face the snow

come to my bedroom
talk to my bedroom

tell me what's the joy of giving 
if you're never pleased
unless strep of

gets all that you believe

baby, tell me what you need


yell as all to know
i will never let you go




boom boom

blood of eden

they don't take credit … only gold

i'm not sure i get it yet
working on it

this connection we're supposed to have
with the opposite sex
tis maybe why i'm 56 and single

 


girlfriends yes earlier on
 then married, divorced - drifting i guess
i'm still trying to figure it out

maybe i'm bi-polar

i think, i messed up there somewhere
a momentary lapse of reason
lingering into the middle ages

protecting myself
that useless extended warranty i paid extra for
man overboard

the line growing tight - the premature struggle, then the release
shit - you had it on - hooked - feeling the loss - what happened
distracted for a second - you snooze, you lose
idiot

my grip is surely slipping - i think i've lost my hold

and so my friends

welcome back - it's another quest
for clarification

i find it helps - to just put it out there

b l o o d   o f   e d e n

it's a song i remember
one summer - years ago
made sense in the moment
ringing true

i was distracted - yet curious
the barrage of deceptions

adam and eve and the subsequent fairy tales
 in familiar folklore - the little mermaid
penthouse and playboy
victorias secret

the books, magazines, catalogues, movies and the TV shows
we watched growing up - jaws dropped and wide eyed
in black and white - later in technicolour

how it was supposed to be - all wrong
an earnest attempt at normality
submersed in conclusion

coming out later in real life, in a requiem
last call - maybe later
stumbling into slumber - the recurring images
under closed eyelids - rapid eye movement
sparkling lights
shaking - slow motion

is that a dagger or a crucifix i see
you hold so tightly in your hand
and all the while the distance grows between you and me
i do not understand 

i rarely see it work right - relationships
even those still together after years - decades
water under the bridge
cracked yet still standing - celebrated

in this golden anniversary - marking the induction
dads jokes and moms gravy

grace

ah, the institution of matrimony
family

in the gestures of good will
hanging on for dear life
in co-dependence, false security and creature comfort

and yet - maybe ... just maybe, in genuine appreciation
of our cozy counterpart

real love exists - in virtuous unconditional surrender
the purge of narcissism - and the embrace of humility
in remembrance of our mortality
wishing wisdom

timeless
kiss


at my request, you take me in
in that tenderness, i am floating away
no certainty, nothing to rely on
holding still for a moment
what a moment this is
oh for a moment of forgetting 
a moment of bliss

one learns new lessons
inside and outside of the box
no judgements

floating

in quiet reflection - looking out on our setting sun
the early stars in the approaching nightsky
the sparkling lights again - drifting

we are essentially alone - either way
holding - still

regret ... still

there's nothing worse
than missing the boat

i caught sight of my reflection

i caught it in the window

i saw the darkness in my heart

i saw the signs of my undoing

they had been there from the start

and the darkness still has work to do

the knotted chord's untying

they're heated and they're holy

oh they're sitting there on high

so secure
with everything they're buying

b l o o d   o f   e d e n

prayinG mantiS

you will fold your arms and hands

then you will fold

 you will let the rain-water wash you clean

in the prison you choose to live inside  

your church ... your jar

you pray

every day ... the same way - you pray

for a signal ... a tricky trickle of light through your retina embryo

your 'common sense' microscope

in your instrument of carnal observation and judgement

in curiosity, knowing that we have such little time 
you look, for some sign of life ... in the mirror pool 
over and over and over again

forever cautious of the shadows ... on guard 
on-look for the deception

he's there ... you can feel him

  always lurking ... 'look' 
can you see me - over here

you were taught well ... the lies ... the shame

and in your moment of solace, that comforting voice returns

that's a good girl

daddy will take care of you

haunting

 yet oddly alluring ... you take him in again

but like a smart soul

and like any animal or insect with integrity and sharp teeth

you continue to pray for peace and order within yourself

and in the attachments that envelope ... you will submit

surrender ... to that which you cannot change

 demons exist

you will learn to love yourself again ... unconditionally

and in the awakening, you will see life again

from your child’s perspective

when you were 6, you sat in a garden 
alone - you don’t remember

in awe of that first praying mantis, you WILL remember it again

maybe you captured it in a glass jar delicately in observation

even with some grass - that it doesn't eat 
so it had food - wishful thinking

like the predator that YOU are

even poking holes in the lid so that he can breathe air

not interested in the grass
not threatened by this captivity

not interested in anything but what's here right now

entertaining eternity

careful observation requires patience
tedious minutes turn into hours
do not disturb
watching - conclusion

giving him what he needs means finding another like him
that morsel of muscle - just to get through another day
survival sings in a dream drifting - in a misty late afternoon fog
and captured - in your curious lens - on a darkened back-drop

and so, in your benevolent repose you may have even put a stick in it

so that you may see it better, only to grow impatient and let it go later

back to it's natural habitat ... into the wild - landing in the familiar
another metaphorical implication

distant thunder - quieter - that single raindrop on your hand, looking up
into the weather - no quarter - no way out

that deafening silence returning, and yet

in that moment you are truly still
in the perfect storm

breathe

 in your macro focus you realize, finally getting it

that consciousness is just what you make it

everything that is “behind” you is just THAT

part of your past

there is nothing more than this green leaf

that you munch on in this moment - like a potato chip

humble and innocent

time stands still ... wide eyed and crystalized

and so, the mantis lands on familiar ground again and re-adapts

but doesn't fly away for the longest time

totally aware

that it's captor is still right there watching intently

no fear

it begins to eat again ... watching in fascination

watching ... learning, then suddenly ... it's gone

it's never enough ... you hunger for more

it's a longing to connect with something bigger and better

but not knowing how

and so in your grieving; in the pain, suffering ...

remorse, despair ... guilt and blame

that was inflicted on you at an early age ... surfacing

you will finally GET that it’s just baggage, garbage

you don’t need to carry it around anymore, like the burden

you were supposed to nurture every day of your life

the curse that you inherited, long ago

and accepted your karmic legacy

that was THEM not you

the ticket is null and void

this hand of cards is a trick, the deck was stacked

redemption arrives ... finally

or does it?  maybe this is a trick too

you question yourself

and so

you will cry for a long time, like you've never cried

weeping for hours in mourning, shivering, totally alone

it will consume you, only momentarily

your momento drifts into a peaceful slumber, yet again

yes ... you will sleep for a long time

only to awaken to the same mistake you keep making

over and over and over again

like a moth to the flame

you persist

you continually ache for that feeling

of being ripped apart in your heart and then your soul

slow burn ... over and over ... hurts so good

in the charred wreckage you dig down

deep down - into your pit of despair ... abyss management - just one clue

longing for closure, but no ... not yet

you will however, persist ... in your quest for clarity and freedom

sifting through endless chaos theories and utter confusion

where is it?  i know it's here somewhere

 again,  folding, crashing, scraping 

you will self-destruct and breakdown yet again

only something will finally change - awakening
 
an unscheduled exorcism - departure and arrival

the executioner and the victim inside you will have left you, finally

those little voices in your head that control you will be gone

you will feel lighter ... you will feel healthier

you will feel whole again

and in this moment of new-found clarity you will release

like you never knew possible

and when you grow up, some day - in your torture tenement
and see that your guardian angel is gone

you will let her go with grace and humility

for you will KNOW

that she loves you wherever she goes

 only because you do

Stand By Your Man

girls get a raw deal

- it's a mans world -

"get over it"

 

that's what i told my daughter today - i'm ashamed

sitting at the bar eating brunch - while she worked
at "insomnia" on bloor in toronto - how appropriate

having slept little - she's a soldier

through the hardware of a bustling crowd
all the modern devices on display

a mixture of truly cosmopolitan men and women
an all so perfect, multi-cultural blend 
obviously very awake and yet, all so pre-occupied

pretending to be normal
appropriate music at just the right volume
this food and drink - good - life is good

looking forward at her in between bites
softening for a moment
in between her ongoing relapses - driven by her craft
staying - on course
it hurts still

she's such a warrior princess

thinking - i was blessed

she's "rising to the occasion" nonetheless

it's a default position - in an ugly tangle

she's grieving the passing of a relationship

and a man who hurt her - her boyfriend of almost a year

that's what i told her - so called "fatherly advice"

"shitty deal girl - get with the program"

"get over it"

girls are poisoned coming in

at a young age - and i am part of that

bombarded by weapons of mass construction

victims of our ancestral karma 

all so meticulously choreographed by men

seeds that are planted in masturbation - incubation - misinformation

into numbness - in a routine mission that fails
 abort - "next" ...

ok, there are always the fruits from a good harvest

and that simple sermon delivered by a good male soul

at sunday mass - all in good faith 

but it's not enough

women are programmed to give and take

in a pre-meditated ritual

that deceives and destroys

the spirit is compromised and the water becomes contaminated

all part of gods plan?  i'm questioning that tonight

and so dear friends

welcome back to my mishap in the making

 an ongoing exercise in redemption
delivered with hope and optimism

and yet with caution

Stand By Your Man

bonnie and clyde

it started early - from the banishment of hildegard von bingen

from the church - for writing words
and making music - for speaking up 

to a lost and alone anne frank in amsterdam during WW2
just wondering what is going on here?
the insanity that surrounds the world - what's this?

it surfaces in crimes of passion and broken promises

what happened daddy?  why does this hurt so much?
why are you so mean?

"get over it"

self esteem erodes

deviant distractions are devised

concocted contingency contagion
bravely bred - in a silent science

returning to our secret place 

a counter-measure that we didn't want to exercise
but have to now ... out of necessity

it continues

the holocaust was just a beginning

in the feminine decomposition - the decay smells rotten

oh btw ...

"do you think i'm pretty?"

rate me on a scale from 1 - 10

"please, tell me i am"

anne frank in amsterdam - 1942

hijabs in high heels - hot
i love square one - shopping mall - mississauga
high tension hypocrisy
on any given day

international ramifications
in a history of violence
bravely bred

ok, it's all about the presentation

it's not about who you are

no, it's not about what you bring to the table

it's not about your feelings, desires or your fears

it's not about your beliefs or your ambitions - none of that

no, it's all about your faith

in a modern masculine modality that you have invested in
 your destiny - the circus show
 that we are all so entertained by in the media

by the displacement of power, repression and perception
the pasteurized poison
served up clean
and "neat"

in our given - inherited hypocrisy 
embedded in our religion and our philosophy
just "shut - the fuck - up"

"just get over it"

 you are nothing

you are only worth something ...

if you become something - in my image

and only if you present yourself accordingly

there are rules in place

follow them my dear, and you will be rewarded

break the rules? - and you will be punished

that's how it works

"suck it up"

"get over it"

karla homolka and paul bernardo

just do as i say and it will be ok

i know you want it - i know you want to be ah ... loved

so just  - do this

"get the girl"

"then after you're finished?  we need a hammer
and garbage bags - home depot - for the wreckage
you're part of this now"

"just do as you're told"

 "and it will all be ok - trust me"

.

girls are afraid - and so they should be!

of being cast aside by daddy - yep - how it works

and mommy who follows daddy 

because she's told to

punishment hurts

none of us wants that - but here we go again

that same twisted music on our morbid merry-go-round

"get me off"

tori stafford, michael rafferty and terri-lynn mclintic

woodstock ontario 

 

"just lure her into the car

after school"

"i want her young - and pretty - 
na, you don't have it in you

to actually do this - to bring me what i want

you don't have the guts"

"so just do it - bring me what i want
or you don't get that special surprise that i promised you"

this happened in my hometown - woodstock

in 2009 - i lived there as a kid

people did this - they're still deciding, what to do about it
three years later

 .


tori was raped and murdered
by a ruptured couple

i have a daughter and i am torn by this

for those who have little girls

just love them

tell them that they are special and that they are loved

hold them like they are our only hope

for a better world and a better future

for our girls

he doesn't love you - the same way
that you love him

Stand By Your Man

dedicated to tori stafford - 2001 - 2009

woodstock ontario

"sometimes its hard to be a woman
giving all your love to just one man

you'll have bad times
and he'll have good times
doing things that you don't understand
but if you love him you'll forgive him
even though he's hard to understand

and if you love him
oh be proud of him
cause after all ...

he's just a man"