passive aggressive

Maverick is a word which appeals to me more than misfit

Maverick is active - misfit is passive

Alan Rickman

p a s s i v e   a g g r e s s i v e

I hear your SOS on the radio

passive-aggressive is often seen in

people who have not learned how to express

their feelings, needs and desires to others

Woodstock is the "friendly city"

large enough in that anything and everything

one could ever need or want

is just a few minutes away

and small enough that 

everyone knows

everyone

perfect


South-western Ontario is a peaceful place
where time comes and goes in a dreamy daze
one day after another after another
year after year 

people here get good jobs
and learn to fit in
 
winters are cold and summers are warm
the soft smell of pork charring on the barbeque
kids laughing and playing in the new plastic pool
that mom and dad picked up on sale at Wal-Mart
$39.95 - half price!

life is - good

  

 

neighbours chatting over the back fence

about how Donny just got accepted at Fanshawe College

and Maddy (just turned 17) becoming

lead cheerleader at Huron Park Secondary

this is a huge leap for her

well with her history

(not spoken but both thinking)

and Bradley Junior - a late-comer - only 5
splashing in the pool, turning the hose 
on his friend Josh
(smiles all around)  

so ya - everything is good here

so how's Brad doing with the new job at Toyota?

big money now eh? - you guys thinking about 

a vacation this year?

ah without the kids? - wink

Mexico again?  I hear there's a wonderful new casino
in Acapulco - no, money's tight this year, maybe next year 

looking at her watch - ah geez gotta go 
sorry 

Ya it's Brad's night out with the boys tonight

you know - the "Thursday night meeting"

they call it - (tight laugh - forced smile)

dopers - I mean when the fuck
are these guys going to grow the fuck up?
(not spoken but both thinking)

Ya well - the boys do need to get out once in a while

blow off a little steam ya?

ya there's drinkin' and stuff 

no bother to me - I'm sound asleep

when he comes in
(tight laugh)

falling down drunk 
and smells like a fucking brewery
(not spoken but both thinking)

5 teen suicides in 2 months here
word is - over 30 more who tried to
and kids are really scared

they're walking down to city hall tomorrow
all 5 high-schools are joining into one
in some attempt to make sense
of all this sadness
I think it's a good idea

Facebook groups
and concerned adults who want to do 
something

I mean OK - everything is going to be OK
it's just a phase that kids go through right?
we went through it and learned how to cope
and kids these days - geez with the internet
and all these frikkin video games
(tight laugh - forced smile)
  

We're meeting at the church every Wednesday night
and we're talking about it now - parents
with troubled kids - you should come
they need help you know
(single tear forming) 

no, Brad doesn't come - game night
but I go - I mean - it's our duty
right?

looking at her watch 

Maddy is ok, I mean she's getting good grades
and isn't hanging with that bad crowd anymore
she's happy and has a new boyfriend
Terry is the quarter-back on the Huskies
his first year at Western University coming up
Engineering - good kid and ya - he's a looker!

quiet giggle


yep, I'm thinking they'll be settling into one of those new houses
off Devonshire before long
have 3 kids (just like we did) and Maddy will live 
happily after ever 

(a brief departure - a quiet thought)  

maybe she's getting it
I know I'm not - my husband hasn't touched me in months
(thinking)

so ya - gotta go - supper you know - Thursday night meeting right?
Brad's fun night and he'll want supper on the table right at 6
(tight laugh - forced smile)

ah geez no, the kids don't eat with us anymore
they're so busy with other things 

Maddy's got a date with Terry - go team go!
stepping away


oh Linda - Gail just posted the video that Madeline Merlo did for us 
you know - the beautiful singer from Vancouver

(Linda does not own a computer)

amazing voice - wow!
she's been through the pain too
and wants us to know
that she's thinking
about us 

so sweet

it's on the YSP Youth Suicide Prevention
in Woodstock facebook page
 

yeah, join up and like all the posts
everyone is really pumped
we're spreading the message
nationally

kids who need our help are
just a call away 

this is all about everyone working together
to make it all work right 

from a distance
 

p a s s i v e   a g g r e s s i v e





I mean ok, let's face it ... we can't all be perfect
but anything is possible - if we can just learn to stand tall 
and try just a little harder


it's ok, to not be ok
.

she (this angel) wrote this song
for us - so perfect

so beautiful


so come on pick up your phone
don't have to face it

alone  
 

 
 
dedicated to the young people who took their own lives 
in Woodstock Ontario, between April and June 2016

Maverick is a word which appeals to me more than misfit. Maverick is active, misfit is passive. Alan Rickman
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/passive_2.html

Maverick is a word which appeals to me more than misfit. Maverick is active, misfit is passive. Alan Rickman
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/passive_2.html

Maverick is a word which appeals to me more than misfit. Maverick is active, misfit is passive. Alan Rickman
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/passive_2.html

traumatized

“There are wounds that never show on the body 

that are deeper and more hurtful 

than anything that bleeds.” 

Laurell Hamilton, Mistral's Kiss

t r a u m a t i z e d

 

we all have been traumatized

in one way shape or form

at some point in our lives - earlier on perhaps

out of nowhere - incoming

when we least expect it

scared silly
ya, takes one to know one
hiding fear is essential to survival 

quietly consuming a yummy mac & cheese supper
then BAM - like a brick through the window

maybe it was our parents arguing

and Dad losing his shit - the screaming violence

not necessarily physical and yet here we are again

fearful nonetheless - just children - watching
it all go down - helpless

I see it in the animals that we care for

my feral cat bolting after seeing a flurry of coons recently

invading us

out back, when I wasn't looking nearing dusk
laying out on my deck (fading sun) minding his own business
just when becoming domesticated - stable
was starting to feel pretty good
settling - collected 

shock - poof
vanishing

running and running - Jesus! panting for air
getting lost fuck

gone all night, then all day - returning late
totally freaked out - shivering in the shadows
he's back and so glad to be home again

woofing down a bowl of food and a litre of water

in 27 seconds, before resting in peace

in his spot on my cozy sofa - inside
shaking

OK - WTF was that?

chill - "you're safe now
and I still love you" 

right, freedom - not all that cracked up
to what it's supposed to be

and yet  

no animal belongs in a cage  

he is so thankful that I'm still here for him

having been traumatized earlier by them

obviously having encountered raccoons

in the past - and losing
badly 

we can learn so much about our own vulnerable natures

from them - our little friends who didn't see it coming either 
blindsided by the twilight twister

for many it could be that haunting siren

looking up - dark sky - bombs falling

for others, a TV newsflash that a tornado

is just seconds away

and about to take out the entire trailer park

in one all consuming gulp

destroying everything

yes

at any moment we could be dead and gone

for most, it's a reminder
of how fragile we are 

taking shelter
better prepared this time 

bottled water, canned food
candles/batteries

I am convinced now - more than ever

that despite what we see and hear in the news

in what they want us to believe

in what they want from us

that there is a peaceful place for us here

that we can make this all work

only because we must

transcending trauma

is doable

t r a u m a t i z e d


  

and that in all this apocalyptic imagery

that surrounds us

we can still find our way
home again




dedicated to my best friend - Troy

gender defender

we're all alone
on the stage tonight
 

g e n d e r   d e f e n d e r 

an overview of gender discrimination

in modern society 

little girls love their Daddies
even if they do bad things 
 

he's a monster

it's obvious that he is a misogynist and under fire
he has even openly admitted that he enjoys 
inflicting pain on women for sexual pleasure
and so, if they just happen to be there
wrong place at the wrong time
then I guess it's their problem
isn't it

?

predators prevail
 

millions of men abuse women every day 

because they can - legally
even religiously justified

and so

this incredulous incarceration?
all temporary - water
under the bridge
soon to be
invalid

because now her credibility is in question

she gets what she deserves
what she has coming
to her 

I mean ok - bottom line
 most women who are sexually assaulted
were asking for it in the first place

period

 


 

sex is almost always on his terms

because men are meant to be

in control - and get to be
just that

women - submission
quietly and all under the radar
ah shit - new rules - WTF
relief arrives - ah yes! 

"not guilty" - a verdict pronounced

by a judge in the Canadian legal system 

having found flaws, ok "inconsistencies"

in the (so-called) victim's testimony in a court of law

limp and languid - desperately dangling

hanging onto calm resolve

their apparent confusion
targeted - seeking emancipation
facts left out - shame
now lies

all she really wanted
was to be loved - going along with it
because it's what he wants
and she has no idea
what's going on

we know all our lines so well - aha

we've said them so many times

 

sometimes there are juries made up of men and women
who compose a verdict based on the evidence
transcending the barriers and reaching up
not this time - nope

one male judge presiding deciding

 it's an unspoken phenomenon
ok, behind closed doors
 or in a smelly locker room
after their ritual squash game
2 guys convalescing

quietly
   

women (essentially) are liars 
colluding in sin, in defiance 
in reaction - wrongdoing becomes
gender specific yet again

she doesn't get to do that, get away with it
can't be trusted

she becomes permanently damaged

and yet he now is free to roam to continue 
doing what he does - because he can now 
free to do whatever he chooses 
back to black

you see, this isn't a man problem

it's a woman problem

ok, I was there but this has nothing to do with me 
this is all her bullshit

 I mean - come on

she deserves it - she had it coming to her
can't you see that

?

in 1968 my Mom lost a custody battle with my Dad

because the courts judged her incompetent

in her inability to raise us properly - ok

Dad hired an expensive (pit bull) lawyer in London
Mom (having no money) hired a lame local Woodstock lawyer

deer in the headlights

she only gave us up to him because she was sick (1966)
cancer - no choice/options - recovering later
wanting us back 

she even has a steady job - better now
and we really wanted to be with her again
municipal social workers coming to our school
asking us/me - telling them of my (our) wish
to go back to her

nadda - not an option
 
not a chance - the courts judged her callously
he took us away from her to punish us/her
for even considering leaving him
more than anything

he didn't love us
like she did

   

my younger brother and I had no say in it

just kids - so nadda - not possible

oh, and let's not forget ...
she was fornicating with another man in the "marriage"

and there is undeniable proof of that

so was he (only multiplied) 


none of that matters anyway

because he is a man and she

is a woman

it's like he has the 'right' to do that

and she does not

promiscuity is a word in his dictionary, not hers
and shame is a word in her dictionary, not his
  
"get over here"
now watch and learn - if in fact - she actually comes?
well there you go

case closed  

Dad didn't beat Mom (physically) - I was there
even though he really wanted to beat her to a pulp

didn't happen, BUT he abused her emotionally

leaving her for weeks alone

with next to no money - with two kids

the word, "terrorism" has far too many ramifications
5 bucks for a pack of smokes - you can do this
maybe some groceries - weiners and beans
yet again  

and when he came home

there was no interest in her, because he had his fill

in the days previous - "so shut the fuck up"
and leave me alone to drink
and jerk off in peace 

traveling salesmen

doing what men do after hours

in some bar in nowhere Ontario

while she waited for something

that she wasn't allowed

to have

Dad was a barfly who picked up lonely women

and fucked them because that's what men did

in the 60's, 70's, 80's, 90's - even still

oh wait, I have no real "proof" of this
herein lies the heart of the problem
and even if I did, as a woman
presenting it

? 

not a chance in hell 

out of sight - out of mind
what does it matter?

nothing has changed since

oh yes - there are many many
mean spirited women in the world too
even evil and yes, there are 2 sides
to every story

women in multitudes 
who would eat any man for lunch
if they had the chance to
so maybe, I'm out to lunch here 

my theory is a simple one - and that is this ...

there is a good reason why they are like that 
they weren't born that way - it just happened
they came to be this way for reasons
that we may never know 
  

"so who do you think you are anyway?

you don't get to be anything

because you are nothing"

I remember him saying that

g e n d e r   d e f e n d e r 

you deserve nothing more than this

this is your destiny - your neglect - is real
your inappropriate behaviour

in your inability to pay proper attention

to me


we're all alone
on the stage tonight

 

We pledge ourselves to liberate all our people from the continuing bondage of poverty, deprivation, suffering, gender and other discrimination.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/gender.html

.