learning to FLY

i'm falling
criss crossing
 

i see you in my scream dream

drip dropping from 2 miles up at 6am - just above and beyond the city line

my arms and legs are flopping like jellyfish - "mayday" - no wait
warm in my bed and yet in this frosty freeze - dairy queen

 because i'm so high up - OMG it's - bliss burning
night parachuting - only

no chute

and in the delirium of my descent

 
i can stretch my arms and elevate again - at will

up and down - around and around - so fun

like the 'fridge ride' Dad gave me
as a child - missing that
the drop


we are the reckless, we are the wild youth
chasing visions of our futures 


it's in the assimilation of
all the tragedies and injustices in this world, peering
downwards - seeking the truth - the light
in that flash - knowing it could be 
all over at any moment
awakening - wow

i live for this dream - bring it ON

l e a r n i n g   t o   F L Y

from the perfect start - to the finish line
 

like a cold swim on a hot, late summer labour day
the last frigid plunge i'll get 
this year 

that one last - high dive 
into the chill - cold
water whisper

drip dropping 


it was a flood that wrecked this heart


ok, you're not getting the severity of this
it's all over

the pool is closing
in 30 minutes - for the season
but there's always

the freezing lake
the calm, caustic contingency


it was a flood that wrecked
this heart


with - or without you 
"i'll be back - i promise"

setting fire to our insides - for fun
collecting names of the lovers

that went wrong
 

it's that feeling when you let go

surrender to the unknown

knowing anything can happen

the catch and release

the all or nothing
here then gone

i'm spinning in it every day

with the clock ticking

and the days 

turning into years

decades


hey, i haven't seen you
in a long long time

why is that


?


i remember you in a distant memory
i LIVE for this dream

in absentia

always in your romper room - by yourself
doing what you do - all your disturbing distractions
graceless - unsavory - absinthe abstract

the elevation proposition prophecy
gone awry - gone wrong

your tumbler toys


i never really knew what went on in there
behind that closed dusty door
never daring darling

to enter


sitting on the cold wood floor - just outside
waiting - wondering
 head down


waiting, listening
to any sound worth listening to
in fascination

ok, you were there one day - then gone the next
no warning - absent of sound - blinded in a silent science
vanishing when i least expected it
still sensing your shadow in my oblong orbit
gone


leaving me alone again

just when i thought
i was home again


the urge to lift comes and goes

in that late autumn breeze - at dawn
leaves having long fallen - long forgotten

under stone covers, alone - cold - winter

arriving again - hey

what's that - up there
"hey asshole - i miss you
question: 

were you ever there for me - into me?"

shadows settle on the place, that you left
our minds are troubled by the emptiness

if you're in love, then you are the lucky one
'cause most of us are bitter over someone
setting fire to our insides for fun

. 
 

or maybe we're in the time tunnel

and none of this is real

a delusion - a trick

a free conditional offer
pending - pretending
OAC - on approved
credit

or maybe it's our deliverance

our reason to press forward - to believe

in a world where people actually care

outside of what's left - our immediate family

a world where there's real hope

or maybe, the jury is still out 
whilst silently screaming


you caused it

whatever - i need to 'suit up' every once in a while

i need to feel what it feels like

to be weightless

free again

or maybe, just maybe

it's just the alarm going off - snooze
the usual noises - same every morning

shower, dress, coffee, lunch-pack

and going back to work

to do what you do

every day

l e a r n i n g   t o   F L Y

 

and maybe, just maybe

that's ok too

dedicated to my brother - David