it used to be so nice
it used to be so good
this is a slow roast
there's a whisper in the trees
in an open northern ontario sky
in late summer
in late summer
the stars are shifting into early morning
it's a full moon still visible - crisp and clear
dangerous
it's twilight
a misty fog on the river
as the chill meets the thrill
and an animal screams
in the distance
for it's life
for it's life
S O S
shivers up my spine - looking out - WTF was THAT?
something out of a horror movie - shaking in my soiled seat
only THIS is real
consumed by nature - a rapid-fire rapture ravishing
requieted love lost then found - reborn
out of nowhere ravaging my religion
releasing my remorse
feeling her pain
RIP
feeling her pain
RIP
I am reminded of another place - earlier on
a place of creature comforting colouring crayons
mommy singing me to sleep
drifting peacefully
"there'll be bluebirds over, the white cliffs of dover
tomorrow when the world is free"
"mommy - are the monsters going to come back tonight?"
no dear - monsters aren't real
go to sleep now
warm - not afraid - trusting all of it
only because you are here
my instincts, my love - the universe will take care of you
saying that to myself over and over
numbing the nightmare
that keeps me awake
after she turns off the light
and I roll over - the same gentle kiss on my cheek
in always the same spot
always reminding her to leave the door open a crack
smiling - "yes dear ... good night"
more please
thank you mommy
"goodnight beautiful"
"there'll be bluebirds over, the white cliffs of dover
tomorrow when the world is free"
"mommy - are the monsters going to come back tonight?"
no dear - monsters aren't real
go to sleep now
warm - not afraid - trusting all of it
only because you are here
my instincts, my love - the universe will take care of you
saying that to myself over and over
numbing the nightmare
that keeps me awake
after she turns off the light
and I roll over - the same gentle kiss on my cheek
in always the same spot
always reminding her to leave the door open a crack
smiling - "yes dear ... good night"
more please
thank you mommy
"goodnight beautiful"
it's the last thing I hear
away from the mayhem - away from the haze
away from the mayhem - away from the haze
Sudbury Ontario - 1960 - waking in the twilight zone
staring at the window opened half way designed draperies wavering
in the soft incoming wind
sleep walker
pulling them aside looking out - still stars
in the soft incoming wind
sleep walker
pulling them aside looking out - still stars
with Dabo, my stuffed monkey in my arms
at 4 - barely thinking - protected
slipping into slumber
in and out
in and out
dreaming
ouch!
grow up boy
reality returning
Daddy's watching
grow up boy
reality returning
Daddy's watching
mosquito bite? - laughing "sheeit - you have no fucking idea kid"
smacking my arm - sitting by what's left of the fire
fading to black, then blacker
he's firing a live semi-automatic rifle
into the night sky
bam bam bam
"take that you fucking bitch"
turning and looking down at me
"the sooner you learn to grow the fuck up
the better", slurping down his 9th beer
on a Tuesday night - now morning
bloodbath squish on my bare arm and now?
fading to black, then blacker
he's firing a live semi-automatic rifle
into the night sky
bam bam bam
"take that you fucking bitch"
turning and looking down at me
"the sooner you learn to grow the fuck up
the better", slurping down his 9th beer
on a Tuesday night - now morning
bloodbath squish on my bare arm and now?
a familiar itch - they say there's a black river witch
looking back around
silence
alone again
even he, is gone
that happens a lot
unless I feed it
looking back around
silence
alone again
even he, is gone
that happens a lot
unless I feed it
scratching it while she collapses, paralysed
open wounds in a capture kill, single round
designed in something
I could never understand
why? do we need to kill each other
?
open wounds in a capture kill, single round
designed in something
I could never understand
why? do we need to kill each other
?
ok, you're in nature and you're hungry
living off the land and need meat/protein
got it - but why why why
do we kill each other
the harassment
even on our
sons
senselessly
why do we hurt
others
because it feels good
to inflict pain
I'm thinking it's a power thing
Mom and Dad fighting all the time
power and sex - so right
what's that all about?
ok, let's do business
everybody wants something
you got it and they want it - whatever - could be charisma
could be virtue, joy, money - could be something that they'll never have
unless they steal it
could be something they want that you got
and if you don't give it up
it's all over
UNLESS
you surrender
I'm confused
don't know what to do
mommy - where are you
do I
fight or give up?
I need help
there's a whisper in the trees
it's ok
you are going to be ok
trust me
shaking, face down in the dirt
buried and bleeding
damaged and deceived
looking up at her
why?
why?? - my son
because you believe in it
that thing that you think you can't control
only you can
stepping out of bed again, and walking toward the half open window
flannel pyjamas - tiny toes taking small steps scared
pulling back the drapes that only make the dark darker
looking out and realizing that the universe will in fact
take care of me - should I let her in
Mom and Dad fighting all the time
power and sex - so right
what's that all about?
ok, let's do business
everybody wants something
you got it and they want it - whatever - could be charisma
could be virtue, joy, money - could be something that they'll never have
unless they steal it
could be something they want that you got
and if you don't give it up
it's all over
UNLESS
you surrender
I'm confused
don't know what to do
mommy - where are you
do I
fight or give up?
I need help
there's a whisper in the trees
in an open northern ontario sky
it's ok
you are going to be ok
trust me
shaking, face down in the dirt
buried and bleeding
damaged and deceived
looking up at her
why?
why?? - my son
because you believe in it
that thing that you think you can't control
only you can
stepping out of bed again, and walking toward the half open window
flannel pyjamas - tiny toes taking small steps scared
pulling back the drapes that only make the dark darker
looking out and realizing that the universe will in fact
take care of me - should I let her in
that I will be safe again
that I will love again
that I will breathe
.
.
again
I really believe that
and in that one last look of wonder
sensing everything out there - that stirs in the world
craving
so as it should
letting go
S O S
dedicated to Jo Cox
