gender defender

we're all alone
on the stage tonight
 

g e n d e r   d e f e n d e r 

an overview of gender discrimination

in modern society 

little girls love their Daddies
even if they do bad things 
 

he's a monster

it's obvious that he is a misogynist and under fire
he has even openly admitted that he enjoys 
inflicting pain on women for sexual pleasure
and so, if they just happen to be there
wrong place at the wrong time
then I guess it's their problem
isn't it

?

predators prevail
 

millions of men abuse women every day 

because they can - legally
even religiously justified

and so

this incredulous incarceration?
all temporary - water
under the bridge
soon to be
invalid

because now her credibility is in question

she gets what she deserves
what she has coming
to her 

I mean ok - bottom line
 most women who are sexually assaulted
were asking for it in the first place

period

 


 

sex is almost always on his terms

because men are meant to be

in control - and get to be
just that

women - submission
quietly and all under the radar
ah shit - new rules - WTF
relief arrives - ah yes! 

"not guilty" - a verdict pronounced

by a judge in the Canadian legal system 

having found flaws, ok "inconsistencies"

in the (so-called) victim's testimony in a court of law

limp and languid - desperately dangling

hanging onto calm resolve

their apparent confusion
targeted - seeking emancipation
facts left out - shame
now lies

all she really wanted
was to be loved - going along with it
because it's what he wants
and she has no idea
what's going on

we know all our lines so well - aha

we've said them so many times

 

sometimes there are juries made up of men and women
who compose a verdict based on the evidence
transcending the barriers and reaching up
not this time - nope

one male judge presiding deciding

 it's an unspoken phenomenon
ok, behind closed doors
 or in a smelly locker room
after their ritual squash game
2 guys convalescing

quietly
   

women (essentially) are liars 
colluding in sin, in defiance 
in reaction - wrongdoing becomes
gender specific yet again

she doesn't get to do that, get away with it
can't be trusted

she becomes permanently damaged

and yet he now is free to roam to continue 
doing what he does - because he can now 
free to do whatever he chooses 
back to black

you see, this isn't a man problem

it's a woman problem

ok, I was there but this has nothing to do with me 
this is all her bullshit

 I mean - come on

she deserves it - she had it coming to her
can't you see that

?

in 1968 my Mom lost a custody battle with my Dad

because the courts judged her incompetent

in her inability to raise us properly - ok

Dad hired an expensive (pit bull) lawyer in London
Mom (having no money) hired a lame local Woodstock lawyer

deer in the headlights

she only gave us up to him because she was sick (1966)
cancer - no choice/options - recovering later
wanting us back 

she even has a steady job - better now
and we really wanted to be with her again
municipal social workers coming to our school
asking us/me - telling them of my (our) wish
to go back to her

nadda - not an option
 
not a chance - the courts judged her callously
he took us away from her to punish us/her
for even considering leaving him
more than anything

he didn't love us
like she did

   

my younger brother and I had no say in it

just kids - so nadda - not possible

oh, and let's not forget ...
she was fornicating with another man in the "marriage"

and there is undeniable proof of that

so was he (only multiplied) 


none of that matters anyway

because he is a man and she

is a woman

it's like he has the 'right' to do that

and she does not

promiscuity is a word in his dictionary, not hers
and shame is a word in her dictionary, not his
  
"get over here"
now watch and learn - if in fact - she actually comes?
well there you go

case closed  

Dad didn't beat Mom (physically) - I was there
even though he really wanted to beat her to a pulp

didn't happen, BUT he abused her emotionally

leaving her for weeks alone

with next to no money - with two kids

the word, "terrorism" has far too many ramifications
5 bucks for a pack of smokes - you can do this
maybe some groceries - weiners and beans
yet again  

and when he came home

there was no interest in her, because he had his fill

in the days previous - "so shut the fuck up"
and leave me alone to drink
and jerk off in peace 

traveling salesmen

doing what men do after hours

in some bar in nowhere Ontario

while she waited for something

that she wasn't allowed

to have

Dad was a barfly who picked up lonely women

and fucked them because that's what men did

in the 60's, 70's, 80's, 90's - even still

oh wait, I have no real "proof" of this
herein lies the heart of the problem
and even if I did, as a woman
presenting it

? 

not a chance in hell 

out of sight - out of mind
what does it matter?

nothing has changed since

oh yes - there are many many
mean spirited women in the world too
even evil and yes, there are 2 sides
to every story

women in multitudes 
who would eat any man for lunch
if they had the chance to
so maybe, I'm out to lunch here 

my theory is a simple one - and that is this ...

there is a good reason why they are like that 
they weren't born that way - it just happened
they came to be this way for reasons
that we may never know 
  

"so who do you think you are anyway?

you don't get to be anything

because you are nothing"

I remember him saying that

g e n d e r   d e f e n d e r 

you deserve nothing more than this

this is your destiny - your neglect - is real
your inappropriate behaviour

in your inability to pay proper attention

to me


we're all alone
on the stage tonight

 

We pledge ourselves to liberate all our people from the continuing bondage of poverty, deprivation, suffering, gender and other discrimination.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/gender.html

.

message in a bottle

detach yourself from the seeming
successes and failures of your children

 by doing so, you become able
to be one with them at all times

you do not live your life
through your children

 therefore they are free
to find their own true fulfillment

The Parents Tao Te Ching - translated by William Martin

m e s s a g e   i n   a   b o t t l e

and at once, I knew
I was not magnificent



unemployed again - late in the game

I’m looking for a job where there’s room for my spirit to grow 
(easier said than done)

I've been most fortunate
in having rewarding employment
jobs that I liked (ok most)  

it’s always been important and especially so now

it's becoming more of a challenge with each passing day
in a fixed timeline tock-ticking and where relevance 
becomes an exercise in irreverence 

my home is in a world vibrant, fragrant and abundant

by a field near water with blue sky and clean air

less - is more
 

 

I’m thinking about what it will be like 

sitting on the rocks of the southern shore of Lake St. Clair 

on a cold cloudy day in March 1969

where I lived as a 12 year old boy in isolation
parents split - spitting strangely - stupidly

living with Dad and this woman - an old flame fermenting
who hates us because we're just in her way
she just wants him - not us
baggage
  
me and my younger brother
Dad always gone, out of the picture
so yeah, both parents
in absentia 

Dad drinks, everyone drinks - a lot
whatever
beach-combing - a daily ritual for David and me
finding shit that washes up 
 

looking out, just the sound of the waves 

and the hollow, haunting cry of the seagulls

floating by (going with the flow)

I can do this
looking up
 

  

it's all in the absorption

seeing a corked clear bottle drifting my way 

lifting it out - removing the slippery, cold green seaweed 
opening it - a piece of paper - wow! 
this handwriting looks familiar 

it’s a note from me, written 47 years in the future (March 2016)
unraveling the roll and absorbing it in the quiet

it reads as follows ...

.

I want to think about progress in nature

I want to see the stars and
thank the gods
 

I’m 59 and there’s not a whole lot of time left

and I want what’s left to count for something in the world

spending time thinking about what we don’t want 
(or what has gone wrong) 

is a waste and I’d like those years back - gone 

I want to spend time thinking about what I do want 

I want to inspire people
everyone around me
 
that being said, I am consistently reminded 

that we live in a world 
made up of shapes and things

circles, triangles and squares

and that thinking out of the box

means compromising the integrity 
of the infrastructure

 

there’s black and white
then the primary colours then - ok
I think you get the idea
 
rules are important because structure is important 

without them there would be no order in the universe

so I respect our rules and laws - values and beliefs

providing one doesn’t get stuck inside them

magnetized to the dots on a flat white page 

with an inability to connect them

let alone distance oneself - seeing the bigger picture

from a fresh new perspective (from afar)

this for me is what life is fundamentally about 

that willingness to take a step back and appreciate

what goes on under the surface

or beyond our exterior

utilizing our resources 
to their utmost
potential  

listening to her nautical narrative 
silently sung
 

between the lofty lines 

the magic that exists in all things 
and yet remains elusive 

to the naked eye

m e s s a g e   i n   a   b o t t l e

 

 spending time thinking about what I don’t want 
is a waste of everyone's time 

I want to spend what’s left of my life 
thinking about what I do want


and at once, I knew
I was not magnificent

there are those who would say no
I would do nothing differently - me?
I would do everything differently
starting with this
 
 

I love you friend

may you live abundantly 
and love every single, breathing moment 

that remains

 

big time

hi there
I'm on my way - I'm making it 

enough about you
let's talk about

ME


“a man wrapped up in himself 

makes for a very small parcel.”

John Ruskin 

B I G   T I M E





so much larger than life

"I feel like I'm too busy writing history to read it"
Kanye West

 

we're so alone as children
growing up in a weary world 
where there is so much tension

my parents were really at odds and I felt it
left out 

the constant fighting - the make up sex

only with another, when he/she

isn't looking

"just go watch TV"
right, Batman, F-Troop and Time Tunnel re-runs
just a kid - no clue

hey shit - I've seen this one already 


every afternoon in black and white
and all before a wieners and beans supper
summer 1966 - wandering

why is everyone so scared?

 

WTF - whatEVER

that super-hot distraction

been there - done that 
it's my destiny

recreational substances in abundance
all you can eat pleasure
 

ok, blow-job of the century dude
I had it ALL figured out by the time I turned 17
parents split 7 years - whatever

by the time I was 20 
I was a god

when music came along - it became my friend

I wanted to circumvent the relentless rain
living large - well at least
in my head 

inventing a new position in opposition

it's what kids in pain do
the secret stash

desperate measures
welcoming me

bring it 

there is no limit to what someone 
with a large supply of cash and credit can do

TV taught me that
school - was well, functional at best
zero creativity

in the quest to see our name in lights

 its called validation
that all important stamp 
of approval 

 it stems from our infant years when we are desperate 
for love and attention from our parents

if we don't receive it 
then we spend the rest of our lives 
chasing it in other forms of unattainable attention
in that wet white-wash 

wishing

like being a rock-star, prostitute, criminal
even better - all at the same time
playing in some shitty bar for free
just for her approving smile

whatever it takes

anything to get that validation

even blowing a trust fund 

in a bad return investment

or three  

nothing matters anymore
I'm broken - bankrupt but
I can make it

back 

the place where I come from is a small town
they think so small - they use small words  
  

wanting to be someone - anyone famous  

doing whatever it takes

plastic surgery even

nothing matters

anymore

 he's beautiful and talented

just like I am

whatever it takes

making headway - actually realizing something

staking our claim in the absolute abstract

and yet real - for just a moment

that 15 minutes I was promised
a long time ago

it's all I want

and I'll squeeze it
till it hurts

America's infatuation with the celebrity 

that elusive class of elite super-humans

powered by glamour, glitz

and lots of cold hard cash

opulent omnipotence

important impotence

immune

 these mythical creatures 
have been bestowed an almighty status 
indeed viewed as an elite
eclipsing

shadows shape shifting  

a separate species of own making
that fixture in society

adored and remembered

whatever it takes

I'm going there

whether you like or not

whether it helps or hurts you

because it's all that I have

to hold on to

because it's what I need

to feel real

B I G   T I M E

and so, ladies and gentlemen

validation 

is the subject of my valedictory address, this evening

looking out into a room of blank faces

but not me
I'm smarter than that
I worked it out

so yeah, enough about you
let's talk about my new selfie

some call it 'classic rock'
I call it classic

ME



so much larger than life