nebraska

it's a flat land - flat people - it's grey a lot
people drink to forget

ok yes, my trajectory is uncertain 
but at least - there's this
rusty remnant

it's my take on this wonderful film
having just watched it - inspired
it started further south
in a quiet place
years ago 



n e b r a s k a 

ok, Pointe Aux Roches Ontario
same difference - displaced unemployed
 french canadians living in shacks on welfare cheques
why here

?


orange buses take kids to school an hour away in Comber 
shooting mushy spit-balls in the rear seats through gutted bic pens
and it's always cold - even in summer
there's a train that rolls through 
every day, but never stops

mostly american owned summer cottages 
on southern Lake Saint Clair - remote
older local kids (a kilometer away)
have pellet guns and sling-shots
that can take out a cat's eye
from a hundred feet, hell
even mini-bikes and 
ski-doos!

i'm not allowed to hang out with them (but do anyway)
ah, ok - not a whole lot to do here
7 years - in purgatory 

alone

  

CKLW-AM radio (Windsor) to ease the pain
only because they play motown (and Grand Funk Railroad)
Dad and step-mom like it too
sometimes - but not always 
defaulting to Eddy Arnold
on the record player
in lit zone

Mom and step-dad have no idea
where we even are
far away

welcome to my life in 1968
on a shallow brown lake that looked a lot
like the broken sky

there's a dog turd in Doug and Wayne Poole's bedroom 
smells bad - flies/bugs - impervious
it's been there for a few days/crusty surface
their dad comes home drunk every night - smacks their mom around
Laura Poole just sits at the kitchen table smoking cigarettes all day
and waits for him.  showing myself out
before the shit-show begins



n e b r a s k a

alright

everyone has a thorn in their side 
and a cut on their head 

it's about missing teeth
and false expectations
my childhood 

dad's fucked up again - sheeeit 
helping him get up - to the couch
"go to sleep - gonna be ok
in the mornin' "

it's a place that i'm most familiar with

too much time and not enough inspiration

i'm thinkin' 

maybe not your movie but mine

a film i just saw

amazing 

highly recommended
ok, long story.  let's just say 
that i loved my music
at the time 

succinctly capturing the essence of my childhood

in Stoney Point Ontario with my younger brother  

flat-lands/grey-scales in black and white

a prudent production maneuver 
regardless

i'm just a bit confused at the moment

why is life so difficult anyway

?

just a question

just a tad curious, like you possibly are too
in front of a mid-afternoon fuzzy TV that gets 3 stations on a good day   

"thinkin' it's time for another round of beers Martha"

n e b r a s k a
 

thinking tonight 

it's all in the outlook

assessing and resolving

life is what you make it, yes?

heard that somewhere

before too

and regardless of the setbacks?

i'm much preferring to look onwards and upwards

i'm betting that you share that
with me 



dedicated to Glen James LaMarche
(1925 - 2002) 



(you could play the clip and re-read this whilst - recommended) 

King Warrior Magician Lover

archetypal
masculine shadow systems

connected to real life/pop culture

is revealing - even entertaining

Carl Jung was way ahead of his time 
still is

ok, look at "the Governor" 
in the TV series/books, "The Walking Dead"

deeply mysterious 
he envelopes all aspects of the masculine psyche 
in searing detail
in and out of the light

in and out of the shadows




King Warrior Magician Lover
 

yes, that character, Brian Blake (aka Governor) makes the series pertinent
because he is relevant

 just a man, human 

complex and most tactile, almost accessible
triggering all the feminine hormones 
because he's so beautiful to look at 
and just far enough out of reach

fighting a common cause

and yet disturbed

things happen

when we're faced with a life or death scenerio
surrounded by zombies who want
to eat us for breakfast
making us one too

i'm fascinated
by this 

"walkers" - "biters" - "adversaries"

doesn't matter

these paradox's, allegories, juxtapositions
and childhood fables measure up
there's a bitter cold wind swirling
outside - and i miss you 
Daddy

good and evil
come delivered on multiple platforms/formats
let's just say that desperate measures
are sometimes required and

it brings out the best and worst in us

either way 

have another cognac
my friend

there is much to discuss

Brian Blake is beautiful for that very reason

because he's real - the driven antagonist

deeply moved in his quest for absolution

and yet utterly lost

disconnected 

embracing all aspects in all 4 quadrants

in real time - and before us

asking the question

who are you

what are you

?

ok, the masculine psyche is complex

and yet painfully simple at the same time

example; we see a beautiful hot girl

stunning face, amazing body/hair etc

then comes the familiar tsunami of arousal

lightning bolts forming into a congressional hearing

in our loins

only the bill is passed in a split second

our hunter, gatherer instincts kick in

and we seek immediate closure 

at all cost 

then - we see our daughters/mothers eyes in her

 and in a sudden flash and it all changes

we grow up.  how is that possible - every once in a while ...

we have a vision

something more important

than a delicious romp

in the flesh - perhaps 

it's an operating system in an antiquated technology

transforming it into a whole new discovery

allowing me to deliver this to you

just the way i want to

right here and now

sometimes, the unthinkable happens

we dissolve, surrender

beautiful actually

some men get it

most don't 

some create

some destroy

"hey baby - come here

i got big plans for you"

we men are fundamentally bipolar

in our gender rendering

granted some have learned

to seamlessly integrate our feminine natures

into our daily lives without the repercussions,

without the damaging homophobia

and all the ramifications

exposed in chaos

i'm still trying to figure it all out myself

it's really convoluted and yet

fun still

King Warrior Magician Lover

 

i see the masculine shadow system

daily in many way shapes/forms

and have learned to appreciate

all of them

all dimensions, all re-incarnations/refurbished restorations sold for 1/3 less

Daddy?  you still RULE dude!

on behalf of all men on the planet

just be patient - please

oK

I've had my "come to Jesus" moment here

I'm doing 2 whole hours a day in the gym now

and i haven't smoked crack in a solid month

I'm a whole new man

speaking of "solid"

have a look at what I got going on down here

(subtle wink)

some things just don't get any better

than this

"if you are the desert
i'll be the sea
if you ever hunger
hunger for me
whatever you ask for
that's what i'll be"

valedictory

i'm a hero ...


oK ... In 1970, I was 13 and in a secret vote in grade 8, I was chosen to speak on behalf of my graduating class at Centennial Central School, in Comber Ontario.  It came out of nowhere, and I was READY!  Bring it ON!

v a l e d i c t o r y

What's odd thinking back, was that I was no where near the having the highest marks ... narrowing it down to 3 choices - the smartest boy, the smartest girl and me (for some reason).  I wasn't even that popular - an outcast perhaps.  Someone who could speak up for those less fortunate.   A friend of mine said that it was a unanimous vote for me (having broken the rules and peeked) - the teacher asking the students to bow their heads down on our desks and raise our hands for the one they wanted to speak for them at our graduating ceremony - calling out the contestants names and counting the votes ... and the winner is ...

v a l e d i c t o r y

 

I went home that night, rather stunned and told my dad that I had been chosen to give the class speech in 2 weeks, to an auditorium full of parents, teachers and our graduating class in a celebration of our terms end, telling my dad that I was nervous and might need his help/assistance with the address.  Dad wrote my speech for me.  It was like there were no options in the matter.

You see;  I lived in an extremely repressed world back then.  I was in an empty environment under the virulent control of my Dad who basically told me that he would be writing his sermon (on my behalf).   This is it here (below) ...  

I remember my Dad toiling over it - chipping carbon copies into an ancient typewriter with multiple versions of the tenuous text - before arriving at his masterpiece while I listened to Deep Purple on my cassette player in my bedroom - wondering what it would look/read like. 

and so the eventful evening arrived.

I was summoned early in the proceedings.  Mrs. McConnell in exclamation ... "And now a word from our graduating class Valedictorian - Jimmy Lamarche".   Joyous jubilation in much anticipation.  Waiting in the side-lines and feeling what adult perspiration was like for the first time.  Dressed in a suit and tie, my hair combed to perfection hard-gelled with sticky vaseline, walking up the platform stairs in shoes that hurt my feet because they were way too small, shivering and shaking ... pulling out my scripted script  and Dad's words (not mine) ...

(here goes nothing) ...



PARENTS, MR. ATTRIDGE, MRS. McCONNELL, FELLOW STUDENTS:

For generations, elementary education has often been referred to as THE THREE R's … Readin' … Ritin' … AND Rithmetic.

As the school terms have passed behind me I have become convinced that this reference might very well be outdated; and possibly now we should consider changing this saying to THE FOUR R's !!!  Through guidance at home, and during my fascinating trip from Kindergarten through grade eight, I have become increasingly aware that for all students … and for all civilized people, the FOURTH "R" stands for RULES !!

From the minute we wake up in the morning, until we are sound asleep at night … at home, and at school, our existence is determined by an impressive array of RULES; many of which sometimes seem unimportant … others may be even MORE important than the original three "R's".  Most privileges in this world, it sees to me, are only available to the people who are willing to pay for them through RESPONSIBILITY.  In other words, we are being asked to PLAY THE GAME; and all games have RULES.



 

Let us not lose sight of the obvious privileges which have surrounded us, especially here at this modern, well-equipped, and well-staffed school.  The years we have been privileged to spend here have given us the stepping stone to what  CAN be a truly wonderful future; and I feel that we should never forget that our excellent education to this point in our lives would never have been possible … WITHOUT RULES!!

Every responsible person connected with our school … This one, and the schools in our future, has a set of RULES or guide-lines which must be followed.  The members of the School Board; our principal; our teachers; our students, and our parents must accept these rules and abide by them … otherwise, the entire undertaking would have long since fallen apart in confusion and failure.

… RULES WILL ALWAYS be with us !!!

Many times we may believe that some rules are too strict … or unnecessary altogether.  However, I have learned that when this thought crosses our minds, we should PUT ON THE BRAKES for an instant … stop … and remind ourselves that rules were not made to be broken, as some would have us believe.  Let's be honest with ourselves, and those around us.  Let's face up to the responsibility of that FOURTH "R" as we move from this stepping stone up to the next … and the next is higher education.  As long as we PLAY THE GAME, I'm sure that our chances of success, happiness, and even survival are very high indeed!!!

I am honoured to have this opportunity to say a few words on behalf of the graduating Grade Eight students of Centennial Central School.  I know that I speak for all of them when I say to you, that we are grateful for the faith which has been placed in us; allowing us to continue our search for knowledge past Grade Eight.  This search is becoming so very important in these rapidly changing times.

We thank the members of the school board;  Mr. Attridge;  every teacher and our parents for abiding by their responsibilities;  making and living by the rules !!!  This has made our progress possible.  We sincerely thank you all for your wisdom and your guidance and for your patience with us.

You have played the game very well!  You have passed the ball to us.  We shall honestly try to carry it safely into the end zone.

June 25, 1970
Centennial Central School, Comber Ontario



 and so ...

What I vividly remember, is finishing my speech to a resounding silence - standing there in a botched, bewildered trance - facing the vacant crowd - clearly not knowing what to think of - what was THAT?  After a few long tortuous seconds there was a single clap, followed by a well choreographed second, third - then the room.  I was embarrassed - humiliated.

v a l e d i c t o r y

Honestly, in that moment ... I was shitting my pants because Dad's speech was garbage and it was almost like everyone knew that I didn't write this and that it was written for me - likely by my father (who else)?  Brutal.  I crawled off the stage like a wounded weasel unknowing of my real future despite the rhetoric and none of my class-mates talked to me for the rest of the festivities.  I wondered why back then sitting alone in the back of the gym - ribbons and balloons (my dad gone).  wondering ... what to do. 

I wrote this piece of music (gone forever) 23 years later in a dream on Westminster Ave in Parkdale Toronto ... waking suddenly and going to my studio at 4am and quietly recording it in about an hour.   It reminds me of that eerie evening in Comber Ontario decades earlier.

Better late than never.  I'm finding that the most redeeming works of art are all too often conceived in a few short moments - like this was.  Oh and one thing I've learned since ...  

rules kill 

whistleblower

look right through me

whistleblower ... a person who exposes misconduct, alleged dishonest or illegal activity occurring in an organization

There's a chill in the air.  A haunting silence that echos down the dark corridors of our institutions where the reverberant clanging of a metal door closes ... and a voice cries out.  

Where secrets and lies are contained in the shadows of it's detainees and imprisoned informants who live in fear - wondering, what's going to happen next?

Knowing full well, that whatever it is ... it's not going to be good.

w h i s t l e  b l o w e r

Karen Silkwood  

Played in a movie named for her by Meryl Streep in 1983. She died mysteriously in 1974 in the midst of a campaign to challenge Kerr-McGee about the safety of a nuclear facility.

it's a place where those posing a threat just vanish, or a holding cell where they now live because they've exposed something they shouldn't have.

because there was no choice but to act fast.

I'm a whistleblower.  It's not something I chose but it's something that I live with every day.  It's not something that I'm proud of but just is.   oK, I'm small-time but still relevant.  You see, it's all about seeing/witnessing something that we fundamentally abhor (makes us sick) but keep a "lid on" for a long, long time, in anxiety and enormous stress - needing to get it out - needing to tell someone about it.

It's a sanity thing for the rare few who don't turn away from a tragic event with that all too familiar "out of sight - out of mind" religious philosophy.  The few who come to terms with the fact that somebody has to DO something about this.
  
Most people exist in lies and deception but learn to live with it, because the ramifications are rampant and because fundamentally, most people don't care and just want to be left alone. 

Coleen Rowley  

In 2002, this FBI special agent alleged that the agency had failed to act on information provided by agents in Minnesota about one of the figures in the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001. She ran for Congress in 2006 but was not elected.


Being a whistleblower in Toronto Canada is relatively safe, with little to prove/expose, in comparison to those who have risked their lives for a cause - a "just" cause.  A disturbing trend that points to distant series of tremors mounting in a caustic crusade where those with the courage - stand alone, despite the odds ... a ripple that turns into a wave that turns into a tsunami - that get's contained out of necessity - for so-called "national security". 

Regardless, lives depend on it - getting the word out to those who become the "deer in the headlights" and just WON'T get out of the way.  Shrouded in secrecy and determined to self destruct - in time, needing to speak up before it's too late. Tick Tock.

Linda Tripp  

This former White House staff member was a key figure in the Monica Lewinsky scandal that led to an attempt to remove President Bill Clinton from office during his second term. 


There is one thing I've learned from all this and being in Canada allows me to write a short essay in relative safety, where those in other parts of the world can't. 

Most if not all whistleblowers have an affinity for a life-force bereft of masculine domination, in a unique feminine inquisition.   Some call it an intervention, and no one can do it like moms can, because all moms care - grandmothers, moms/wives and daughters too.

It's a "mans (mad) world" and those who really need to speak up are all too often, those who possess a maternal instinct and must protect mother earth (and mother nature for that matter - ok our children) from a man made mono-nuclear apocalypse.  Still, it's approaching on the horizon with a propensity for revenge and needing WMDs or yes, "weapons of mass destruction" in a gregariously insular "spun" story in the mainstream press in order to fulfill their pathetic prophecy - drenched in punitive positioning.

Edward Snowden  

American computer specialist who worked for NSA contractors and said that he was an employee of CIA and NSA before leaking details of several top-secret United States and British government mass surveillance programs to the press.



"We're in a giant car heading towards a brick wall and everyone's arguing over where they're going to sit."   David Suzuki
 

Have you ever noticed ... that male whistleblowers are never REAL men?  Have you ever noticed ... that whistleblowers are never homophobic??  no ... they're grounded in both genders and possess both perspectives.

It's that eccentric cop on a beat, the androgynous geek boy who likes computers ... it's the gender confused corporate casualty near the bottom of the food chain who sees things that others ignore, needing to tell people that this is toxic if you consume it.  

Shit!  Maybe it's a woman!  This water is unsafe to drink because the nearby factories are dumping waste into the environment; oh, and FYI ... politicians are protecting those who do that - FOR MONEY!  time to wake up kids!  We're everywhere and yet we are nowhere - invisible and yet shattered.

Erin Brockovich-Ellis  

the American legal clerk and environmental activist who, despite the lack of a formal law school education, or any legal education, was instrumental in constructing a case against the Pacific Gas and Electric Company (PG&E) of California in 1993




Right now, as you read this - there's a drunk husband slipping through the side door somewhere in a dark american suburb, wearing a feminine fragrance and that subtle yet noticable lipstick smear on his collar; acquired in that hidden (and yet meaningful) "bump and grind" at Sammy's bar and grill just an hour ago.   Ok, she was a little "hottee" who looked a bit like Miley Cyrus (same moves) - in exchange for a few drinks and a bump of blow in the men's washroom.  Ah, life is good.  I'm feeling satisfied.

Confronted by his worn wife who questions him and yet getting away with it again and again because that's in the plan baby ... the "getaway" plan.  There's always a contingency caper in yet another confrontation, sequestered in sequence.  World domination IS akin to a psycho-sexual routine, ritualized in a "catch and release" program.  operative word ... "catch".


"Alpha Delta Charlie 3 - evac confirmed - dive"


"Your evidence is paper thin - and you have no right to question me because you live under my roof and you answer to me - and you KNOW it". 

 

Frank Serpico  

This New York City police officer, later portrayed by Al Pacino in a 1973 movie, attempted to confront the rampant corruption within the police department. He left the force after being shot in the face during a botched drug raid and later moved out of the country.




And so the tides shift and the tremors fade because in the new world order, the cover-up mechanisms have been deployed in an operation that i call ... "band-aid on a brain tumor".

Sometimes whistleblowers actually make a difference, but for every one who actually does, there are dozens lost in the cracks of an imperialistic regime that is hellbent on holocaust before hanging.  It's like it's an affirmation ... "if I go down, I'm taking everyone with me" in a game of russian roulette meets "pin the tail on the donkey" and they don't care.  

They don't care about you!
  
Taking a stand against the forces of evil takes a toll on those who try to protect us from the ongoing tortuous tyranny torn by the psychopathic tricksters we elect into power - OR allow to be in a business that rips you OFF!  "Bend over - you're going to LIKE this!"  NO!  not liking this!   SOMEBODY - HELP ME!

 

Sherron Watkins  

An executive for the Enron Corp., she helped expose the seemingly formidable company in 2001 and 2002 as one constructed on enormous financial lies and frauds. Along with Coleen Rowley and WorldCom's Cynthia Cooper, she was one of three whistleblowers named Time magazine's Persons of the Year in 2002.



It's like ok ... if we're on our death beds and thinking ... "if i could go back and change something?  What would it be"  kind of thing.  What would I have done and how?

I'm not suggesting that you all get up right now and run to your window yell out - 'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!'  like Howard Beale did in the TV mini-series "Network".

No way - that wouldn't benefit you at all because no one is listening - or are they, are you?   It's a question I keep asking myself and more and more I become more and more optimistic.  

Yes.  Someone is listening!

 

Bradley Manning  

The Army soldier was court-martialed at Fort Meade, Md., in the summer of 2013 for documents provided to WikiLeaks.  “I am sorry that my actions hurt people. I’m sorry that they hurt the United States,” he said at his sentencing hearing.

look right through me

look right through me

i'm irrelevant, or am I

i'm convinced, that those who now possess

an impotent sense of power

will subside - refresh?

but it's a stretch

optimism, is a good thing

it's like those who think

that this world can in fact, be

a better place to live in, eventually
facilitate the necessary changes

free of guilt, shame/blame and

free of corruption

wishful thinking
patience

Julian Assange 

WikiLeaks founder currently in exile at the Ecuadorian Embassy in the U.K instrumental in exposing the tragedies and injustices of the U.S. government's lies and coverups in foreign policy and war crimes to the world.



This blog is dedicated to all those who took (or is taking) a stand.  Those who followed or are following their instincts and intuition despite the odds.   Not being able to sit idle and just watch the onslaught of spiritual autonomy absent of compassion and humility.  

This is for those who can "rise to the occasion" even in a torrential storm of ambiguity and false signals, threatening legal letters handed out like halloween candy on a late October evening in the mainstream media ... trick or treat - smell my feet.

  

oK ... just be a "good" citizen 

keep your mouth shut 

and follow the rules, 

and you'll be just fine.   

Trust me 

Jim Lamarche  

Writer and Blog activist forced to shut down his Media Arts Education in Canada blog which exposed ethical improprieties on the part of media arts schools in Canada

Honestly? 

I think I'm in good company

I was never a big Star Wars fan 

but there is something quite profound 

that sticks around still ...

Good luck my friends 

and may "the force" be with you

w h i s t l e  b l o w e r

all around me are familiar faces
worn out places, worn out faces
bright and early for the daily races
going nowhere, going nowhere
their tears are filling up their glasses
no expression, no expression
hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
no tomorrow, no tomorrow

and I find it kind of funny, i find it kind of sad
the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
i find it hard to tell you,
i find it hard to take
when people run in circles its a very, very
mad world