big time

hi there
I'm on my way - I'm making it 

enough about you
let's talk about

ME


“a man wrapped up in himself 

makes for a very small parcel.”

John Ruskin 

B I G   T I M E





so much larger than life

"I feel like I'm too busy writing history to read it"
Kanye West

 

we're so alone as children
growing up in a weary world 
where there is so much tension

my parents were really at odds and I felt it
left out 

the constant fighting - the make up sex

only with another, when he/she

isn't looking

"just go watch TV"
right, Batman, F-Troop and Time Tunnel re-runs
just a kid - no clue

hey shit - I've seen this one already 


every afternoon in black and white
and all before a wieners and beans supper
summer 1966 - wandering

why is everyone so scared?

 

WTF - whatEVER

that super-hot distraction

been there - done that 
it's my destiny

recreational substances in abundance
all you can eat pleasure
 

ok, blow-job of the century dude
I had it ALL figured out by the time I turned 17
parents split 7 years - whatever

by the time I was 20 
I was a god

when music came along - it became my friend

I wanted to circumvent the relentless rain
living large - well at least
in my head 

inventing a new position in opposition

it's what kids in pain do
the secret stash

desperate measures
welcoming me

bring it 

there is no limit to what someone 
with a large supply of cash and credit can do

TV taught me that
school - was well, functional at best
zero creativity

in the quest to see our name in lights

 its called validation
that all important stamp 
of approval 

 it stems from our infant years when we are desperate 
for love and attention from our parents

if we don't receive it 
then we spend the rest of our lives 
chasing it in other forms of unattainable attention
in that wet white-wash 

wishing

like being a rock-star, prostitute, criminal
even better - all at the same time
playing in some shitty bar for free
just for her approving smile

whatever it takes

anything to get that validation

even blowing a trust fund 

in a bad return investment

or three  

nothing matters anymore
I'm broken - bankrupt but
I can make it

back 

the place where I come from is a small town
they think so small - they use small words  
  

wanting to be someone - anyone famous  

doing whatever it takes

plastic surgery even

nothing matters

anymore

 he's beautiful and talented

just like I am

whatever it takes

making headway - actually realizing something

staking our claim in the absolute abstract

and yet real - for just a moment

that 15 minutes I was promised
a long time ago

it's all I want

and I'll squeeze it
till it hurts

America's infatuation with the celebrity 

that elusive class of elite super-humans

powered by glamour, glitz

and lots of cold hard cash

opulent omnipotence

important impotence

immune

 these mythical creatures 
have been bestowed an almighty status 
indeed viewed as an elite
eclipsing

shadows shape shifting  

a separate species of own making
that fixture in society

adored and remembered

whatever it takes

I'm going there

whether you like or not

whether it helps or hurts you

because it's all that I have

to hold on to

because it's what I need

to feel real

B I G   T I M E

and so, ladies and gentlemen

validation 

is the subject of my valedictory address, this evening

looking out into a room of blank faces

but not me
I'm smarter than that
I worked it out

so yeah, enough about you
let's talk about my new selfie

some call it 'classic rock'
I call it classic

ME



so much larger than life