i'm not afraid of your suffering
i'm not afraid of your joy
i'm not afraid of your hunger ... your desire
i'm not afraid of your rage
i'm not afraid of your love
i'm not afraid of your lies ... or your truth
or of the prisons you choose to live inside
r e q u i e m
i see you
i feel you
i need you
i love you
"doctor - just give me something"
I'm cold - need heat
it's a dream I keep having
in a bad trip
make it go
i am become death
the destroyer of worlds
J. Robert Oppenheimer
Feral/stray rescue dogs and cats make the best friends. It's a "thank you" that transcends the spirit - lover arrive. That look when you feed them - touch them. If all you can see is what doesn't work, then you will live in a world where nothing works.
It's all so simple really - you do what you want to do - what feels right, then whatever happens, just happens. If people get it? It's just a bonus. If not - then you let go and move on. I just really need to create stuff like this, because it rings true, to me.
First the music, then years later (and with new tools), the pictures. I'd like to think that it's a unique perspective, that means something - (even if it's just to me). We Canadians are so afraid. I've seen it first-hand, reading hundreds of posts/threads on the CBC website over the past week. I really like going there to look, because it's a psycho-social barometer that measures the spirit of us. We are scared shitless after the ISIS bombings in Paris - questioning the Muslim faith. Many Canadians are like those who slow down to gawk at the carnage but won't get out of our cars to actually help anyone. Not something we want any part of.
No. We don't want to live like that - die like them. So keep them AFAP (as far as possible). HOW are we supposed to do this - and what if they kill us after we let them in? I mean WTF, "do I look like a tampon to you"?
In late 1988, I went to see a film, “The Last Temptation of Christ”, knowing little about it other than it was Scorsese - and that’s all I needed to know. When the film began, I was immediately struck by the soundtrack/music which hypnotized me until the end of it and saw the music composer credit … Peter Gabriel (right of course). I was fascinated by the cross-pollination of ambient tones blended with tribal rhythms, exotic reeds/winds/voices all leaving me spellbound/transfixed and riveted for weeks/months, even years to follow. I was already a big Gabriel fan … this was over the top amazing! I had been listening to vinyl discs up until then and none of the 'Passion' pressings translated so I ended up buying my first CD player in 1989 and I was blown away, listening to this album that he released (film soundtrack), over and over again through my STAX electrostatic headphones.
I'm thinking that this mix of sounds was going to take off and I loved it so here we go - gathering ethnic samples and laying down tragic rhythms, very new - a bigger picture. Then there was Gabriel's WOMAD (1984-1988). It was an ethnic music fusion festival touring world-wide that fizzled (not enough white sugar - guessing). World music was just more interesting.
I started experimenting with this "new world" music genre at home in my studio electronically with samples (early 90’s) - mixing in real instruments (musicians I met who were into same), eventually receiving for a grant from Toronto Arts Council to record and FACTOR (Foundation to Assist Canadian Talent on Record) for overdubbing and mixing between 1994 and 1996 when the first draft of the album was released on CD. One condition on receiving the $12K FACTOR loan was that I needed to deliver 50 CD’s to their office within 90 days of issuing the funds or they would recall the loan. So now there’s a deadline and that killed it. I delivered the box of CD’s to their office but the album was nowhere near being finished. The project (in it’s unfinished state) received a luke-warm response and I shelved it for 6 years, having run out of funding/inspiration and no way to continue.
Granted, Temple was/is a very strange, dark creature. People generally had no idea what to make of it and it was/is impossible to categorize anymore. As brilliant as Gabriel's "Passion" was, it was delegated to the 'film soundtrack' bin/back of the music store and it was his least successful work as a composer/performer. I still had to release the album, IN the timeline I was given.
It was my last plunge - I did it and it hurt lots - but it's finished ...
My requiem for a dream ...
When Pro-Tools LE was released (desktop digital audio workstation) in 2002, I pulled Temple out, dusted it off, loaded it all into my Mac computer and spent 4 years dissecting/editing and polishing it at home. In 2011, I remastered it using WAVE plug-ins and was proud to say in April 2012 that Temple was finally DONE (now Temple Redux), after finishing the artwork myself. The prose, "I'm not afraid ...", (top) was performed/spoken (gargoyles) by Toronto vocalist Alla Kadysh in Russian-Jewish/Hebrew. Voices in Requiem by Jim Lamarche and Pedro Aznar who went on to perform with Pat Metheny. Winds and electronic reeds by Ron Allen. Fretless bass and Chapman Stick by the brilliant Toronto musician/composer, the late Alun Davies who took his own life in 2008.
Requiem is dedicated to my friend Alun. His talent/gift always astounded me ...
So, can an album of music actually take 18 years to make? This one did. The clip was recently created to commemorate the project featuring Requiem and Gargoyles, the first two tracks on the album.