Thursday, 28 March 2019

THE SUICIDE COLLECTIVE




It’s a ‘what you don’t know won’t hurt you’ game plan
with a good dose of shame and blame 
in a recycled modus operandi
and all designed to
   
divide and conquer 










1986 (Windsor Ontario)

My Dad would have loved Trump.  Stoic, stubborn - ‘knows everything’ kinda guy w/a touch of torment, hatred of women and a penchant for payback.  Sound familiar?  The BIG man who wears an expensive suit, drives a BIG car and has a hot trophy wife (ok, you get it).  


I mean ok (story is), he got right royally fucked over and so now they need to suffer (yawn) … listening still.  It’s frikkin’ brutal.  Rambling about street blacks in Detroit getting what they deserve, (intoxicated at 2pm).  Long pause.  The silence is deafening.  "So Dad, just how is it that they deserve being dominated and oppressed"?  Even longer pause and that recurring look of death.  Yikes!  I'm in trouble now.  I learned everything about the term "bleeding heart liberal"  that day, and then there was no room for discussion (on anything anymore). 


I was 30 and hadn’t seen him in years and honestly?  He didn't have any help (desciphering reality from fantasy). Sad. You see here’s the deal … he feels the world owes HIM something because he was left behind - abandoned, when in fact he blew it and abandoned himself (emotionally/spiritually) long ago, and so it was inevitable.  We had grown apart and his will to live was being compromised.  In disrepair.  He didn’t care (never did), a hint of suicide in the air.  Perhaps even contemplating how much damage he can do first.  I remained distant. I had absolutely no idea what to do ... as lost as he was.  His resentment; my legacy.


My way or the highway.  The one thing I've learned is that 'forcing' change almost always backfires (counter-productive) and that all the money and military might in the world ultimately doesn't make one man (or any one people) any more powerful (or relevant) over another.  Ok maybe in the short term.  We’re here for an instant then gone anyway.  Whatever.  POOF, in a flash and up in smoke we go, six feet under - all over. Here today, gone tomorrow.  More-so now than ever ... compassion, common sense, the ability to reason and critical thinking have all been eclipsed by something much larger … entitlement.


I guess you didn't get the memo.  What’s real is no longer important because everything you see is fake news anyway, so fuck it.  IF we all get blown to smithereens?  At least I will have had the opportunity to make my point.  It's all about the collective.  It's about what's right.









That said, it’s really not that obvious especially to those who don’t want to know.  Right wing thinkers blame us ‘snowflakes’ for stirring up shit and blaming them only they invented the rules, especially in this latest round of debauchery, all reinvented and endorsed by celebrity apprentice, fame and fortune (ah, the American Dream) and all in that familiar adrenalin rush that comes after hearing the words … “you’re fired”.  


All the problems in the world? … always someone else’s fault.  It's magic. The term ‘zero accountability’ comes to mind.  

That said; it’s imperative that we all take a good long look in the mirror from time to time and ask ourselves the most important question … ‘so what’s my part in all of this anyway’? Otherwise we’re just sticking our head in the sand just like they are.  



"I believe in a vision of equality, justice, freedom and multi-racial democracy,
built on the premise that all people are created equal."

Barack Obama







Drain The Swamp - Hiding the Hypocrisy

Who knew that it could be so simple, so easy?  It's a slam-dunk.  It was originally about vowing/promising to take on the 'elite power structure' in Washington (ie. Wall Street, The Clintons/Corporate Lobbyists etc.).  Then it shifted to 'draining the swamp'; away from the power grid and towards removing/deporting those who supposedly threaten our livelihood/freedom (specifically immigrants) and no-one even flinched or questioned the switch.  Tax breaks for the rich (corporations) while gutting health care and essential social programs. A crime of the century con, flawlessly executed and all in plain sight.  

It's chasing brown people out the back door, while crusty old white guys slip through the front (in broad daylight) and clean the living room out.  It's about Kanye West visiting the Oval Office (dozens of reporters) and in an incoherent rant saying "when we make everything in China and not in America, we're cheating our country" while Trump listens, smiles and nods his head.  The Trump Collection (fashion suits, shirts, ties & accessories) are all made in China.  They know he's a sexual predator.  They know he lies.  They know his products are made in China and they know he colluded with the Russians. IT DOESN'T MATTER!  

Fundamentally we all just want to be heard so yeah, we have more in common then we would like to admit.  Some would prefer to look at it; others away from it.  That said, there’s a whole lot of reaction/resentment at the slightest hint of adversity/disagreement (a redundant rigidity if you will) and the rules of debate conveniently shift in favour of the righteous, where moving backwards makes way more sense than moving forward and 'collateral damage'?  Comes with the territory.  It's just easier to point and shoot first, then ask questions later.

And so, a new President (and most powerful man in the world) has turned the world into an episode of Jerry Springer; you know the one where 2 women tear each other to shreds while the crowd cheers on “Jerry, Jerry, Jerry” all laughing and loving the shit-show!  What’s important here is that I get what I need (and you don’t).  That’s what I mean by entitlement.  









Childish actually.  It's like the kid next door wanting to play with your toy (even though you're not) but you don't let him (because it's yours).  Snickering when extending your leg just enough to trip the class idiot walking by in the cafeteria, his lunch tray crashing to the floor. Hilarious.  It’s all about learning how to get away with shit without getting caught.


I’m troubled by all this and yet I’m optimistic.  History has taught me that greed and narcissism is (generally) short-lived and when it gets right down to push & shove vs. humility, humans deliver regardless of what side of the fence you’re on; looking at the big picture.  If someone else is in trouble, our first instinct is to help them regardless of the circumstances and that most of what’s going on is just an act, designed to attract attention.  This is what needs to be remembered first and foremost, what we have in common (what we share). 


That's what makes me not a Liberal or Conservative thinker, but a human being.









They say that 9/10 attempted suicides are just a cry for attention (cry for help) and maybe that’s what all this is about, only the 'powers that be' care even less now.  Cry for help until you're blue in the face - nothing is changing people.   One thing is certain.  Commoners are still being shafted by the elite/wealthy (the owners) in America only in all their blind faith (in voting for Donald Trump), they just jumped out of a frying pan and into the fire.



for G.J. (Jim) LaMarche - 1925-2002










THE SUICIDE COLLECTIVE


a jim lamarche remix
Gateway House Sessions/18
assembled in logic audio and final cut










. . .

Monday, 25 March 2019

DEAD AHEAD


sometimes
by losing a battle
you find a way, to win the war

Donald Trump




D E AA H E A D
sound up








a jim lamarche remix
from the album ONE LIFE
assembled in photoshop, logic audio and final cut

chapman stick by alun davies

holocaust footage from
O Dia Seguinte (The Day After) 1983

directed by Nicholas Meyer
courtesy of ABC Circle Films


  read more of Jim's blog posts here 

LISTEN TO ONE LIFE  >>>  HERE 











carry the battle to them  

don't let them bring it to you  
put them on the defensive 
and don't ever apologize

for anything

Harry S Truman

.


FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH
the story behind dead ahead

it's a POV thing
corn fields?  right
long story
no time

alpha bravo charlie
whisky delta tango
we are ready to fight for our right
to believe in our country ... and

there's nothing in this manual
that says I have to like you
you look different
so, na ... so you?
gotta go

battle lines drawn - shadowy shapes shifting
enemy in my sights ... dead ahead
a blast from the past - then the future
collateral damage imminent
how does it feel
to be a casualty

nope, that doesn't belong to you
it belongs to us

putting these sounds together
something different
finding this game stuff 
playing with it
with the music
rearranging 

kinda works - fun to watch
layering in more synths and voices
on the final pass before merging
the final audio mix from logic 
to the fine cut/picture edit
in final cut








I don't get war, never did
for some (many), it's just what is
never questioning why
we humans hate each other
so much

we just do






Tuesday, 19 March 2019

IF YOU BELIEVE


through hard work, perseverance and faith in God
you can live your dreams

Ben Carson



I F  Y O U  B E L I E V E
sound up








a jim lamarche remix
from the album ONE LIFE
assembled in photoshop, logic audio and final cut


  read more of Jim's blog posts here 

LISTEN TO ONE LIFE  >>>  HERE 











our Father, who art in heaven
hallowed be thy name
thy kingdom come 
thy will be done on earth 
as it is in heaven


give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us

 
and lead us not into temptation 
but deliver us from evil 
for thine is the kingdom 
the power, and the glory 
for ever and ever 


amen









it puts you and me
inside the shadow



FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH
the story behind if you believe


mixed messages - not intended
when I was assembling the music
I saw religious symbology
and was reminded 
that believing
in God

fundamentally changes nothing
it just makes us feel a bit better about ourselves
for a few minutes




Saturday, 9 March 2019

DESPERADO


we think sometimes that poverty
is only being hungry, naked and homeless
the poverty of being unwanted
unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty


mother teresa



D E S P E R A D O
sound up









a desperado has nothing to lose
so everything is on the table
and anything is possible


a jim lamarche remix
from the album ONE LIFE
assembled in logic audio and final cut


  read more of Jim's blog posts here 

LISTEN TO ONE LIFE  >>>  HERE 











FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH
the story behind Desperado

slow fades are good

I like long cross-dissolves best
ample time to leave one thought behind
before entering a new one 

in and around 1983, my wife to be
Jody Terio and I put a show together
and performed it to a modest/artsy/financially challenged 
Thursday night crowd at the Rivoli on Queen West in Toronto
it was called Nuclear Cartoons
I wrote the title track
we were in our 20's
and had a lot
in common

I had just met her and she inspired me 
it was all very crude, but I remember
the crowd responding by clapping
after each piece
genuinely appreciating
the effort we had put into it

it was an audio-visual thing
we had taken out a 16mm film projector
from Toronto Public Library (free)
something you could do back then
and we showed holocaust pictures
and synchronized the music
I had created during downtime
at the recording studio
where I worked at the time

there was this new thing called VHS
but the players were a TV thing and
we wanted larger, projected images

since then, a cinematic sensibility
is something I've been drawn to 
new sounds and pictures

36 years later
and a tad more refined
it's kinda what I wanted to do back then
and now can - my mission
a new vocation
resurrected

I'm still on the clock
but it's my clock



.


Tuesday, 5 March 2019

PRAYING MANTIS



you will fold your arms and hands
then you will fold
 you will let the rain-water wash you clean






in the prison you choose to live inside  
your church ... your jar

you pray

every day ... the same way - you pray
for a signal ... a tricky trickle of light through your retina embryo
your 'common sense' lens

in your instrument of carnal observation and delicately honed judgement
in curiosity, knowing that we have such little time - waiting 
you look, for some sign of life ... in the mirror pool 
over and over and over again
forever cautious of the shadows ... on guard 
on-look for the deception

  always lurking ... 'look, what's that'? 
you were taught well ... the lies ... the shame
and in your moment of solace, that comforting voice returns

that's a good girl
daddy will take care of you







haunting

 yet oddly alluring ... you take him in again
but like a smart soul
and like any animal or insect with integrity and sharp teeth
you continue to pray for peace and order within yourself
and in the attachments that envelope ... you will submit
surrender ... to that which you cannot change


I am a failure
so it appears








you will learn to love yourself again ... unconditionally
and in the awakening, you will see life again
from your child’s perspective

when you were 6, you sat in a garden 
alone - you don’t remember
in awe of that first praying mantis, you WILL remember it again

maybe you captured it in a glass jar delicately in observation
even with some grass - that it doesn't eat 
so it had food - wishful thinking
like the predator that YOU are
even poking holes in the lid so that he can breathe air

not interested in the grass
not threatened by this captivity
not interested in anything but what's here right now
entertaining eternity








careful observation requires patience
tedious minutes turn into hours
do not disturb
watching - conclusion 


and so, in your benevolent repose you may have even put a stick in the jar
so that you may see it better, only to grow impatient and let it go later
back to it's natural habitat ... into the wild - landing in the familiar

distant thunder - quieter - that single raindrop on your hand, looking up
into the weather - no quarter - no way out

that deafening silence returning, and yet
in that moment you are truly still
in the perfect storm


breathe








 in your macro focus you realize, finally getting it
that consciousness is just what you make it
everything that is “behind” you is just THAT

part of your past

there is nothing more than this green leaf
that you munch on in this moment - like a potato chip
humble and innocent
time stands still ... wide eyed and crystalized
and so, the mantis lands on familiar ground again and re-adapts
but doesn't fly away for the longest time
totally aware
that it's captor is still right there watching intently

no fear


it begins to eat again ... watching in fascination
watching ... learning, then suddenly ... it's gone
it's never enough ... you hunger for more
it's a longing to connect with something bigger and better


but not knowing how







and so in your grieving; in the pain, suffering ...
remorse, despair ... guilt and blame
that was inflicted on you at an early age ... surfacing

you will finally GET that it’s just baggage, garbage
you don’t need to carry it around anymore, like the burden
you were supposed to nurture every day of your life
the curse that you inherited, long ago
and accepted your karmic legacy

that was THEM not you
this ticket is null and void
this hand of cards is a trick, the deck was stacked
redemption arrives ... finally
or does it?  maybe this is a trick too

you question yourself


and so
you will cry for a long time, like you've never cried
weeping for hours in mourning, shivering, totally alone
it will consume you, only momentarily
your memento drifts into a peaceful slumber, yet again
yes ... you will sleep for a long time - always tired
only to awaken to the same mistake you keep making

over and over and over again








like a moth to the flame

you persist
you continually ache for that feeling
of being ripped apart in your heart and then your soul
slow burn ... over and over ... hurts so good
in the charred wreckage you dig down
deep down - into your pit of despair ... abyss management - just one clue
longing for closure, but no ... not yet

you will however, persist ... in your quest for clarity and freedom
sifting through endless chaos theories and utter confusion
where is it?  i know it's here somewhere
 again,  folding, crashing, scraping



P R Y I N G   M N T I S



you will self-destruct and breakdown yet again
only something will finally change

an unscheduled exorcism - departure and arrival
the executioner and the victim inside you will have left you, finally
those little voices in your head that control you will be gone
you will feel lighter ... you will feel healthier

you will feel whole again





awakening

and in this moment of new-found clarity you will release
like you never knew possible
and when you resurface - in your tenuous tenement
and see that your guardian angel is gone
you will let her go with grace and humility
for you will KNOW

that she loves you wherever you go
 only because you do







.






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