Saturday, 18 August 2018


let yourself be silently drawn 
by the stronger pull of what you really love


T E R M I N A T E   M E

“It is not the consciousness of men 
that determines their being 
but, on the contrary, their social being 
that determines their consciousness” 

Karl Marx

a jim lamarche remix
Gateway House Sessions/18
assembled in logic audio and final cut

read more of Jim's blog posts here

Sunday, 12 August 2018


I come from a violent background
so I became hard
I realized that I had made myself that way
to deal with a feeling of abandonment and shame

Mickey Rourke


a jim lamarche remix
assembled in logic audio and final cut

read more of Jim's blog posts here



"be faithful in small things
because it is in them - that your strength lies"

Mother Teresa


ok, I see things
it's an assumption

that fundamentally, we're all equal - embedded in the constitution
here in Canada especially - then there's "karma" 
then there's reality - the judgements - the walls of shame 
the psychopaths we've worked under
hanging on to our squishy hope on a rope  
dangling in the media maze
welcome to the fear factory - centuries of criminal behavior

conditionally condoned

adverse conditions creating chaos - abort alpha one charlie delta fox 
I'm going down - mayday - mayday - mayday
"requesting an emergency rescue evac - unknown co-ordinates 
on fire - crash and burn scenario subject seduction - with respect
just get your ass into the situation - now sir"

  I need a healer

"a man is but the product of his thoughts 
what he thinks, he becomes"

Mahatma Gandhi 

going down in flames
little chance of recovery
fading voices - shadowy shape shifters
downward spiral - blunt force - smoke - fire -
reverberation - condemnation into redemption
a shady relapse into consciousness - maybe
who are you - where did you come from
why are you here

she lies next to me in silence - shields down - surrender 
darkened room - in port - docked - respite repair
only it's a haze - a dream - years ago with her
is this real

in our bedroom - early on

reaching over and touching my wounded shoulder during intimacy
when time stood still - before anything mattered - this
 a genuine gesture that feels good - caring
in war crimes - realizing time is short
in this moment - stillness


"you - are a healer", a simple acknowledgement 
spoken quietly in the presence of grace and humility
empathy - compassion - deliverance - she receives the message in form
no expectation - only loving, accepting resolve - nothing matters
only what is right here - right now ... you are everything
and you are nothing

"shhh - close your eyes now - sleep dear"

that caress along my receding hair line
that soft kiss on my cheek - drifting
into slumber  - ah

it's a return to something that happened
a long time ago - in a land
far far away

"the wound ... is the place where the light enters you"


no attachment - no shame - no pretension - no fallout - no "discussion"
no need to pretend and/or hide behind anything 
no cruel constructions  - no walls of blame - no borderlines
it's simple, I think - it's all about "listening" (not speaking)  
the truth ultimately unfolds in receiving information
taking it in gently

some people make you feel good - inspired - healthy
and others make you feel sick - it's a power thing - to prove something
starting with mom and dad - a negotiation in numbness - carrying on later
gutter garbage - kept in a box in our closet - years pass
the relentless ramifications in retarded rules

karmic attraction - why am I pulled into you
you're sick and I still love you

when she walks into a room  
my heart goes bing - bang - boom - "mommy"!
waking from a dream at 5am - heart pounding - so real OMG 
so right there - I could touch her - shivering shaking
I feel cold

my pillow soaked in saliva and tears - it smells
my sweaty sheets drenched in overworked mind play
can't sleep now - awake until the morning light

frigid - nonetheless - thinking - staring
into a dark room that only reminds me of mortality
hours turning into days
wondering - what if
hours and hours in somnia - in mourning 
remembering - reality
she's gone

we all are conditioned to give and take according to the plan
braised on high heat from the very beginning - barbecued chicken 
 deliciously sauced and served with a side of our choice 

the daily posturing - elevated success - breakthrough yet again 
or so we think - rest and reflection rules - the jugular juggler
distant distraction - losing focus for a split second - shit
balls falling randomly to the floor - and yet still - catching calmness
we all make mistakes - we all have regrets - we're human

I forgive you

I've been thanking myself a lot lately - it works - thank you

for staying true to who I am
for not always submitting to the prisons that contain and control me
for letting myself breathe again - for allowing myself to be alive  
thank you - actually saying it out loud to myself
it's amazing - acknowledging self - ongoing
praising wisdom

it's not easy but it's doable - a return to the senses 
back to natural order - peace - and so

when I work out - thank you
when I eat a salad - thank you
when I show compassion towards someone - thank you
when I take care of myself

the healer is a conduit of electrical energy 
seen externally but realized internally
embracing fear and the unknown - knowing that life can be fair 
despite the odds

for some it's religion - for others it's faith 
for others it's a simple good nights sleep
awakening into resolution and refreshment  
for me it's all of the above
I am thank-full - yes god - the affirmation
the adoration returning

thank you

we are still children - who need to be loved
we are still teenagers - who need to be loved
we are still adults - who need to be loved

we all become old and nimble
ashes to ashes - dust to dust - I want to say it again - please
just one more time - only this time - meaning it
"I do"

and so dear friends - a coming of ages
late in the game - a game changer
better late than never


it doesn't matter who I am - or what I stand for
it's not about my conquests or my fears, regrets
accomplishments - mistakes
none of that

it's about my intention
in willingness to let go of everything
lose the baggage

right here - right now

"a lie cannot live"

Martin Luther King

I think she's trying to send me a signal

yes - up there ... see it

"mommy - I'm right here
over here - I'm cold mommy"
"I didn't lie - promise - ah shit
ok maybe once"
 - sending -

"I'm ready to come home now
do you read me?"

mommy - daddy
where are you
I'm lost 

all those promises
you made
it's dark

no quarter - over
and out 


Saturday, 11 August 2018


colourful ribbons
follow her movements
I can almost see floating rainbows
pale beauties unfurl in ivory hued fans
I imagine ... swan wings fluttering


a jim lamarche remix

burning man 2016 aerial dance
featuring Stephanie Haber

photographed by Jim Vanderhorst


read more of Jim's blog posts here 
listen to the album ONE LIFE  >>>  HERE 

Friday, 10 August 2018


girls get a raw deal

 it's a mans world
"get over it"

S T A N D  B Y  Y O U R  M A N


that's what i told my daughter today
sitting at the bar eating brunch - while she works
at "Insomnia" on Bloor in Toronto - how appropriate
having slept little - she's a soldier
always tired - why

through the hardware of a bustling crowd
all the modern devices on display
a mixture of truly cosmopolitan men and women
an all so perfect, multi-cultural blend 
obviously very awake and yet, all so pre-occupied
pretending to be normal
appropriate music at just the right volume
this food and drink - good - life is good

looking forward at her in between bites
softening for a moment
in between her ongoing recoil - driven by her craft
staying - on course
it hurts still

she's such a warrior princess
thinking - i was blessed
she's "rising to the occasion" nonetheless

it's a default position - in an ugly tangle
she's grieving the passing of a relationship
and a man who hurt her - her boyfriend of almost a year

that's what i told her - so called "fatherly advice"
shitty deal girl - get with the program

get over it

girls are poisoned coming in
at a young age - and i am part of that

bombarded by weapons of mass construction
victims of our ancestral karma 
all so meticulously choreographed by men
seeds that are planted in misinformation - incubation - masturbation
into numbness - in a routine mission that fails - yet again
 abort - "next" ...

ok, there are always the fruits from a good harvest
and that simple sermon delivered by a good male soul
at sunday mass - all in good faith 
but it's never enough

women are programmed to give and take
in a pre-meditated ritual
that deceives and destroys

the spirit is compromised and the water becomes contaminated
all part of gods plan?  i'm questioning that tonight

and so dear friends
welcome back to my mishap in the making
 an ongoing exercise in redemption
delivered with hope and optimism

and yet with caution

S T A N D  B Y  Y O U R  M A N

Bonnie and Clyde

it started early - from the banishment of Hildegard Von Bingen
from the church - for writing words
and making music - for speaking up 
to a lost and alone Anne Frank in Amsterdam during WW2
just wondering what is going on here?
the insanity that surrounds the world - what's this?

it surfaces in crimes of passion and broken promises
what happened Daddy?  why does this hurt so much?
why are you so mean?

get over it

self esteem erodes
deviant distractions are devised
in a concocted contingency contagion
bravely bred - in a silent science

returning to our secret place 
a counter-measure that we didn't want to exercise
but have to now ... out of necessity

it continues

the holocaust was just a beginning
in the feminine decomposition - the decay smells rotten - oh btw ...

"do you think i'm pretty?"
rate me on a scale from 1 - 10
on the internet

rate my face

Anne Frank in Amsterdam - 1942

hijabs in high heels - hot
i love Square One - shopping mall - Mississauga
high tension hypocrisy
on any given day

international ramifications
in a history of violence
enough said

ok, it's all about the presentation
it's not about who you are
no, it's not about what you bring to the table
it's not about your feelings, desires or your fears
it's not about your beliefs or your ambitions

none of that

no my dear ... it's all about your faith
in a modern masculine modality that you have invested in
 your destiny - the circus show
 that we are all so entertained by in the media
by the displacement of power, repression and perception
the pasteurized poison
served up clean
and "neat"

in our given - inherited hypocrisy 
embedded in our religion and our philosophy
just "shut - the fuck - up"

just get over it

 you are nothing

you are only worth something ...
if you become something - in my image
and only if you present yourself accordingly

there are rules in place
follow them my dear, and you will be rewarded
break the rules? - and you will be punished
that's how it works

bend over ... you're going to like this

Karla Homolka and Paul Bernardo

just do as i say and it will be ok
i know you want it - i know you want to be ah ... loved
so just  - do this

get the girl

"then after you're finished?  we need a hammer
and garbage bags - Home Depot - for the wreckage
you're part of this now"

just do as you're told

 and it will all be ok - trust me

girls are afraid - and so they should be!
of being cast aside by Daddy - yep - how it works
and Mommy who follows Daddy 
because she's told to

punishment hurts
none of us wants that - and yet, here we go again
it's just another night 
in relapse

get me off

Tori Stafford, Michael Rafferty and Terri-Lynn Mclintic
Woodstock Ontario 

just lure her into the car
after school

i want her young - and pretty - 
na, you don't have it in you
to actually do this - to bring me what i want
you don't have the guts

so just do it - bring me what i want
or you don't get that special surprise that i promised you

this happened in my hometown - Woodstock
in 2009 - i lived there as a kid

Tori was raped and murdered
by a ruptured couple

for those who have little girls
just love them

tell them that they are special and that they are loved

hold them like they are our only hope
for a better world and a better future

for our girls

he doesn't love you - the same way
that you love him

S T A N D  B Y  Y O U R  M A N

"sometimes its hard to be a woman
giving all your love to just one man"

dedicated to Tori Stafford - 2001 - 2009
Woodstock Ontario