shadow system

i'm unshy on the skyline

there's this collision course

it's on the radar

persisting

wait - gone - sheeit

creeping up from below and behind

around the side of us - YES

'bring it on dick-face'

a bat on the edge
with a bad mind

S h a d o w   S y s t e m

like in a mad max movie

where all they want

is your fuel

'fuck you asshole
it's all mine' 

i feel it every day, getting on the Toronto transit
on my way to work - the tension burden

that everyday people feel - carry
around with them - ever so courteously negotiating a seat
on the morning bus - quietly pissed and afraid

pulling away

she's running - i can see her and so does the driver
and he's stopping to let her on - because she's hot - frantic - "thank you"
flashing her metropass - panting, stepping into the mushy cesspool

of risky riders

flustered and frustrated
bus is packed and 
no one is giving
her a seat
wet

from a distance

that look on her face
reading her 

OMG - she's stunning

thinking - she's just had a fight with her nowhere husband
and one of her kids is sick, had to leave him
alone at home - in bed
no school today 

no babysitter

"turn up the good - turn down the suck"

why does it hurt so much and why
do I wear 6 inch heels
all the time even
on the bus 

in winter

why - because my married boss 
likes it - when i look hot
and secretly wants

to fuck me


?



life is difficult

great art is seeing/hearing something different
every time you take it in 

good content still ringing true
substance over style - what you'll be remembered for
will always be about the essence
what you bring to the table
rising to the occasion 

getting it out there in that flash
of inspiration

 "We're in a giant car heading towards a brick wall
and everyone's arguing over where 
they're going to sit"

David Suzuki



a balcony for my bed - i hang on

i've suddenly come to this place in my life
where i don't care what people think anymore
of what i say - think - believe in

life is short, and death approaches

demanding that i subscribe to your inner turmoil
no not a chance - it's all yours 
your demons - your closet

jaded?  yep

it's no wonder - that there are so many 'loners' in this world 
scraping for something - to believe in, hang on to

but no

it's what they want us to believe
compliantly asleep - late for work
yet again - anticipating

the choppy chew out
yet another
ultimatum

what's wrong with you
numbers guy

"where's your numbers"


? 


ok, bottom line - you'll need to kick it up a notch
if you want to keep this JOB 
 

 

to my vertigo, i hang on

i had serious hope in 2008, when Obama

was elected - ok, maybe yes - hope

i'm not so sure anymore

S h a d o w   S y s t e m 

there's a shooter in Ottawa

drove in and took a precious soldier out

'radicalism' it's the new buzzword

like a flavour of the day

or employee of the month

kind of thing

let's just say 'convenient' 
he's one of THEM

"terrorist"

our 'highway of heros' (yawn) is yet, just another publicity smear
intended to illuminate the illusion 

ok - our soldiers deserve some recognition after the fact
dying - for "the cause" - regardless
of its relevance

but it's all really about justifying
our need to invade
continuing the
crusade

and so, here at home
what's this


?


ok, just a matter of time right
all the fear mechanisms
gently choreographed

in a hidden system
that kills

priority print out 
in a ticker-tape tsunami
pounding us in that symphonic slam
our Ottawa shooter is a problem

in that he's Canadian born 
with personal issues
no no no

not a terrorist

(contrary to what they would have us believe)
all part of the bigger picture - the one we don't see

ok, thinking - all men carry shadow systems
it's not what we asked for but here it is
we're born and bred to deceive
and compete with each other

regardless of where
we're from

hey brown kid
you're in my way

the global agenda
infesting

our children 
passing the curse on
to the next generation

our sons specifically

working together? NOT
an option - nope, not in the cards
you're either on our side or on their side

divide and conquer 
us and them

all part of the new world order
yes, this conversation may be recorded
for quality control purposes 

i mean, ok - there's what goes on - on the surface
and then there's that which lurks beneath

and all about what goes on later
after the festivities are all over
later in the evening

and into the night 

and back around again
 

some way to - let go

it infiltrates our feminine nature
and it takes over

it trickles down from government
federal, provincial and yes
even the municipalities
into our media
and we


feed 


"hey - he abused me too" 
crazy


we absorb the drug in the movies we watch
like 'The Purge' where there's that one 12 hours every year
when you can get your jam on
and take everyone OUT!

and all for 'the cause' 

a balcony for my bed
i hang on

all i want - is for you to
LOVE ME - ok
let's do

this thing you like
to do

yes i really do 
like this 

too

 a slow death ahead
is a sad slide


TV shows like The Walking Dead, Penny Dreadful - even Game of Thrones
i eat them up too 
fascinated 
by it

the shadow system
is designed to survive - then encroach
like that lone cockroach - light of day
crawling out after the blast in Hiroshima years ago
looking for food - another given - all creatures

hunger for real meat
 

i can do this
i can live another day
but dodging bullets and always on the run

is no fun hun

requesting reassurance - shit - oK
i can make a real difference here still

wishful thinking

i mean - i have everything i need
nice car, clothes - an overpriced condo
in Parkdale Toronto - large screen TV
stupid job that pays real good

trophy girlfriend
yep - hot 

my 'rainforest espresso' coffee addiction
from Timothy's - no not Tim Hortons
Timothy takes care of me

i'm set dude

whatever goes on in the trenches
all those wretched stories in the news
little kids up to their knees in muck
and haven't eaten in a week

not a worry - i'm covered

and yet still - fearful of what's coming back around
from behind us

those skeletons in the closet
re-arranging, constipating
reinstating 


perfectly formed, to feel it fall
like lead 


afraid of what we'll read in the morning paper
and yet consuming it regardless
because a reason to survive
is paramount


to life


it's a system
that's been carefully thought out
a give or take kinda thang
only more the latter

 you either subscribe or you don't
most do

oh BTW, Netflix rules man
no wait - i can get it all


FOR FREE



?

'get - the - fuck - OUT of here'
an HDMI cable is all i need?  ok wot the fuk 

illegal?  even better!
 

bring it ... ON 


first order of business?

you - gotta go dude

but wait no dick-wad!
you get to frikkin choose guy
change the channel, smoke a bowl and
switch into glide

everything is right here

the world is at your fingertips
choke that chicken
buddy 

it's all in the reckless recycling
of our




S h a d o w   S y s t e m




getting into bed with them
is just an option - it's all so delicately consensual - yes?

you really don't need
to go there if you don't want to

just like playing this clip and reading this again
all up to you - all these amazing choices
right there in your hand
 
on your universal remote


with that little black button
that you have your thumb on
right now

gut feeling
you want to go here
unsure and yet willing 
nonetheless




to my vertigo - i hang on





 

toxiK LoVE

 "baby can't you see - i'm callin"

i need a hit - baby give me it
i love you - ok i love - the IDEA of you

you're sitting there, end of the bar - all the bad tattoos
high milage, bad teeth - whatever - semi sagging breasts
having given birth already - multiple times

dirty, long blonde hair - bare legs
maxxed - hot - cat in heat

kinda wrecked - in a good way

screaming under your desensitized skin

mercy me - just give me one more chance
to show you - what I got 

t o x i K   L o V E

looking my way

in that ready radioactive reactionary relapse

you know - the one that wipes out a whole country

in a single blow - in a single glow

once we make eye contact

that familiar fickle 
fashion frame

frustrated - and yet

jesus - you are beautiful baby - moving in

let me buy you a drink (says she) - maybe more - if you behave

i know you want me (she's thinkin') - i can feel it now

that elevated pleasure pressure

driving across Finch ave traveling west today

crossing Jane street in Toronto

seeing dysfunctional people 

and the odd couple

walking together
sunny, warm
dark skin 

mascara berkas aching to get out 

yet another late September afternoon 
early autumn - 2014

all the women are either overweight or anorexic, ethnic
torn - tortured - twisted - tormented
seriously submissive

yep, she looks tired/sick/abused

and he's lean - a mission machine

they should be hand in hand

but no - they're very separate

no physical contact publically

no shame - no blame

 

oK, i'm thinking - my place - later

listen to some tunes, smoke a j - some beers

and maybe

ok

we bond

maybe have babies
maybe even get married
if that's what's required
i'm wired

karmic collisions
with scars that show in tow
after i give you a good grillin'
you know, like we really meant it
forging our identity destiny in a single evening
of fermented fudgery

depositing my signature signal

so that those in the future
can see what I had to offer
how I rose to the occasion 

even if it was just for show

or perhaps maybe
just maybe

looking up and into something new

remaining optimistic
i'm thinking there's more to life than we think
more than what we're shown

can physically see

i mean - it's just a script

with room for improvisation

visualization

right


?

in the meantime
pass me another
pop-tart




t o x i K   L o V E




it's in the air - it's all around

the reaper

"step into my office"

sit still
and close your eyes

ok, let's not talk right now
just - breathe 
in and out
there you go 

Jesus, you're lookin' good today

t h e   r e a p e r 

it's a concept that's ages old

it seeps out of the cracks

of an ancient cesspool
and into your disturbing dreams at night

often revealed in what whispers
you know - the worm ones

stuck in your throat
pulling them out
throwing them on the floor
and running away from them
because they want to return
and consume you 
and all too often
do

articulately acceptable
certainly accessible

allowed to fester

even multiply

because they got all the angles down

the loop-hole loopster

the tantalizing trickster

ready to 'serve'
right

"bend over ... you're going to like this"

"this is a slam-dunk"


yeah, like that - stand there now
just like that

wow 


ok no guarantees

(and no refunds)

but ok, we got this - "in the bag"
no worries - relax baby
take a chill pill 

yeah, just keep doing
what you're doing here
nice

"I think we can work something out here"

it's all in the creepy conquest

it's the shady lawyer or immigration consultant
(who always looks good - toned, trim and tanned always)

could be an investment broker or a

parent (in sales) at the PTA meeting

who 'likes' you and wants to lend

a helping hand

is all

moving up from behind
sizing you up - checking out
your amazing ass
imagining the pleasure 
composure

always on the prowl

for that next opportunity

to seize the moment
 

deluded, desperate

but cucumber cool

on the surface

almost always a 'respectable' member

of the community - with framed testimonials

on his office wall - italian leather 

and a track record of satisfied customers

in plain view, with all the trimmings

the Armani suit, Piloti shoes - new Lexus

the trophy wife and the vacation home
in an all too familiar family
fumble

regardless - all good
i mean - ok


it's all in the numbers
trapped in the (twisted) tracking
just look at my (fudged) KPI key performance indicators
they're mint

it's all in the stats

 

always ahead of the game

and always on your side
  

"I believe in an America where millions of Americans

believe in an America - that's the America millions

of Americans believe in

That's the America I love"

Mitt Romney (January 2012)

god bless america

it's all in the 'pitch'
those familiar handy hand gestures
formulating the facade
only visible - to those
who have been there
done that

appealing to your most vulnerable 

weakest link

what you see - is what you get

catching you off guard
sinking in the seduction

timing is everything in the art and science
of persuasion 

it's in the robot software 
that parses your words to filter
you into the blow-job of your dreams
once you crack
the code 

and once you're on the grid
detectable by radar - you're IN
congratulations 
then

it's in the small print at the bottom of the contract

ready to be exercised at a moment's notice

the deceptive disclaimer

in a hidden agenda

that only THEY know about

so trust me
i'm really a good guy - really
i have nothing to hide
i'm on your side
really

"no worries ... I got you covered"


your family will benefit
your (smoke-show) wife Trixie, little Billy and Suzie
all on the receiving end after you qualify
after you make this important choice to move forward here
let's do this

it's all outlined in the agreement
and it's a no obligation deal
with a free taco bell meal
for 4 - complimentary
all free

just think of the memories
you'll have

we just need that $500 deposit and your signature
debit or credit - and we're a GO!

i mean geez - does it get any better
than this?

angel milk dear sir
fluffy pancakes, like you've never tasted before 
think - fresh fruit and
maple syrup

dripping




t h e   r e a p e r  




all you gotta do is comply
do this and you'll be glad you did
what was your name again
  
stacked cords of wood
that never get
burned

even in winter 

no real warmth


no worries, just relax
i've got something to show you
hyper-ventilating
switching gears



hypnotize me
feed me

homophobic

my mother says - to get things done
you better not mess with major tom



h o m o p h o b i c



 





1980

i've heard a rumour from ground control

oh no, don't say it's true


like ok - you know i'm not supposed to be out with you
and that if we're seen together - i'm like DEAD
but whatever - sipping on a warm soda
trying to look pretty - toenails
freshly painted pink

in observation
OMG - don't look

but over there - is this guy - in the corner booth sitting alone
he's wearing lipstick - eewww!


growing up in a small conservative town
in the 60's and 70's was so strange
guys were guys - girls were girls
there was absolutely

 no question


it was a time if/when a guy looked the least bit feminine
or a girl looked the least bit masculine

freak-show - outcasts

a haunting decade before playstation
and the internet - before easy access
to porn

ah ya - young minds tend to wander 
so what's it to you anyway?

right - you wanna roll with me - but
you don't want any of your friends
to know



 





back at the booth across from a girl with nice tits
and is lookin' real hot right now

ya laffs - that's Bobby or Bobbi (what he prefers)

"ya, i do that" - exhaling smoke - alley, club music pounding at a distance

"blow, e, love hash - right" 
laughing nervously - long pause - awkward moment

"ok, like you - are so fucking scared right now 
shitting your pants, and that's freaking me out,
gotta go"

the memory flash evaporates
back to Brianna (sag)

headshake - right - back to
reality


don't worry babe - he's harmless
cremepuff - carnival show - crash and burn
fudge-packer - (leaning over whispering) - fucks guys

omfg she gasps before tightening
(yes we said oh my fucking god, even in 1980)


shunning light - embracing night
dreaming of his destiny in a padded room
no quarter

so yep - bonafide freakshow
back to a week ago - outside the all-ages club
on the outskirts of town - where teens mix


so ya - Bobby Bobby - Bobbi Bobbi Bobbi
come over here, a little closer - where we can chat
so - what the fuck actually just happened back there

little buddy?

grade 12, like me
ok OMG
 
he does arts and I do shop
feeling agitated - ah ok - let's just relax
don't pay any attention to him (it)
because that's what he wants
to be different and noticed
for who he really fucking
IS - and
wants you to see 
who you really are too

pathetic
so tell me more

catching my breath
oh yeah - yep, he has friends
freaks just like him - hanging in his basement
parents in absentia - clueless
the whole town knows
what that's all about
except their
parents

always at the casino


they switch houses, but we always
catch up with them

watching







they got a message from the action man

i'm happy -  hope you're happy too

smoking dope and listening to strange music
(bowie and human league mostly)
i'd love to be a fly on the wall
listening to that

not that i'm interested
nope - ME?  not a chance
i'm in total control
of my destiny
sister

just curious is all
what they talk about ... do
truth is - quietly leaning forward
me and the guys?
well - weeze be kewL
(witta Kapital L - ole school)


and all under the radar baby


h o m o p h o b i c

 


i never done good things
 - i never done bad things

i never did anything out of the blue

.


calm down - stop crying

ya we kicked Bobbi's face in a few times
nothing heavy really babe - promise, but ya
always returning to that same booth
after having been bulldozed into landfill
in techni-colour trench-coats

more make-up caked on to cover it
almost daring us to do it again
ya, me and the guys - are cool
(slight twitch)






 



then came 1981
after a decade of gender appropriate
experimental music/art
wondering what was next
never ever expecting
i mean - OK


WTF


MTV - cool ya and - Duran Duran, The Police, Tears for Fears
Bowie - Michael Jackson, Queen, Elton John
ah, so John Lennon dies and THIS?
is what we GIT??

remember the Village People?  barf
prog rock disintegrates - and we get hosed?
fakkin' DISCO?

wait a minute - all these superstars
are fucking freaks, and people
are actually into this shit










time and again i tell myself
i'll stay clean tonight
but the little green wheels are following me
oh, no, not again
 

hours, weeks, daze in a maze
soap on a rope - yes the mind wanders

watching this shit on my TV
getting high over and over
familiar knock - sittin in yer usual spot

rolling a j - looking at me ... "holy shit dude!"

ya,  it's an ear-ring fuknuts!
it's like "cool" now

get over it




h o m o p h o b i c

 


they say great art is timeless 
allowing the observer an opportunity 
to take in something new
every time you 
allow it in


simple - less is more - interiors vs. exteriors
a higher spirit vs. religion


my mother says - to get things done
you better not mess with major tom


so yes, there was a major shift in 1980

like a big wall coming down
from black and white into greyscale
and then into colour - lo-fi to high definition
finally allowed to think

both ways
without shame, blame, games

and - that wandering into a black sky
with my mom - telling me how it's supposed to be
can still be healing