Sunday, 12 August 2018

HEALER



"be faithful in small things
because it is in them - that your strength lies"

Mother Teresa



H E A L E R
  






 
ok, I see things
it's an assumption


that fundamentally, we're all equal - embedded in the constitution
here in Canada especially - then there's "karma" 
then there's reality - the judgements - the walls of shame 
the psychopaths we've worked under
hanging on to our squishy hope on a rope  
dangling in the media maze
welcome to the fear factory - centuries of criminal behavior
 

conditionally condoned
crushing
me

adverse conditions creating chaos - abort alpha one charlie delta fox 
I'm going down - mayday - mayday - mayday
"requesting an emergency rescue evac - unknown co-ordinates 
on fire - crash and burn scenario subject seduction - with respect
just get your ass into the situation - now sir"

  I need a healer








"a man is but the product of his thoughts 
what he thinks, he becomes"

Mahatma Gandhi 


going down in flames
little chance of recovery
fading voices - shadowy shape shifters
downward spiral - blunt force - smoke - fire -
reverberation - condemnation into redemption
a shady relapse into consciousness - maybe
who are you - where did you come from
why are you here
angel

she lies next to me in silence - shields down - surrender 
darkened room - in port - docked - respite repair
only it's a haze - a dream - years ago with her
is this real

in our bedroom - early on

reaching over and touching my wounded shoulder during intimacy
when time stood still - before anything mattered - this
 a genuine gesture that feels good - caring
in war crimes - realizing time is short
in this moment - stillness

 
 



"you - are a healer", a simple acknowledgement 
spoken quietly in the presence of grace and humility
empathy - compassion - deliverance - she receives the message in form
no expectation - only loving, accepting resolve - nothing matters
only what is right here - right now ... you are everything
and you are nothing

"shhh - close your eyes now - sleep dear"


that caress along my receding hair line
that soft kiss on my cheek - drifting
into slumber  - ah
home 

it's a return to something that happened
a long time ago - in a land
far far away










"the wound ... is the place where the light enters you"

Rumi


no attachment - no shame - no pretension - no fallout - no "discussion"
no need to pretend and/or hide behind anything 
no cruel constructions  - no walls of blame - no borderlines
it's simple, I think - it's all about "listening" (not speaking)  
the truth ultimately unfolds in receiving information
taking it in gently

some people make you feel good - inspired - healthy
and others make you feel sick - it's a power thing - to prove something
starting with mom and dad - a negotiation in numbness - carrying on later
gutter garbage - kept in a box in our closet - years pass
the relentless ramifications in retarded rules
returning

karmic attraction - why am I pulled into you
you're sick and I still love you
why









when she walks into a room  
my heart goes bing - bang - boom - "mommy"!
waking from a dream at 5am - heart pounding - so real OMG 
so right there - I could touch her - shivering shaking
I feel cold

my pillow soaked in saliva and tears - it smells
my sweaty sheets drenched in overworked mind play
can't sleep now - awake until the morning light

frigid - nonetheless - thinking - staring
into a dark room that only reminds me of mortality
hours turning into days
wondering - what if
hours and hours in somnia - in mourning 
remembering - reality
she's gone

we all are conditioned to give and take according to the plan
braised on high heat from the very beginning - barbecued chicken 
 deliciously sauced and served with a side of our choice 

the daily posturing - elevated success - breakthrough yet again 
or so we think - rest and reflection rules - the jugular juggler
distant distraction - losing focus for a split second - shit
balls falling randomly to the floor - and yet still - catching calmness
we all make mistakes - we all have regrets - we're human

I forgive you
 






I've been thanking myself a lot lately - it works - thank you

for staying true to who I am
for not always submitting to the prisons that contain and control me
for letting myself breathe again - for allowing myself to be alive  
thank you - actually saying it out loud to myself
it's amazing - acknowledging self - ongoing
praising wisdom

it's not easy but it's doable - a return to the senses 
back to natural order - peace - and so

when I work out - thank you
when I eat a salad - thank you
when I show compassion towards someone - thank you
when I take care of myself

the healer is a conduit of electrical energy 
seen externally but realized internally
embracing fear and the unknown - knowing that life can be fair 
despite the odds

for some it's religion - for others it's faith 
for others it's a simple good nights sleep
awakening into resolution and refreshment  
for me it's all of the above
I am thank-full - yes god - the affirmation
the adoration returning

thank you










we are still children - who need to be loved
we are still teenagers - who need to be loved
we are still adults - who need to be loved

we all become old and nimble
ashes to ashes - dust to dust - I want to say it again - please
just one more time - only this time - meaning it
"I do"

and so dear friends - a coming of ages
late in the game - a game changer
better late than never




H E A L E R





 
it doesn't matter who I am - or what I stand for
it's not about my conquests or my fears, regrets
accomplishments - mistakes
none of that

it's about my intention
in willingness to let go of everything
lose the baggage
ah

right here - right now







"a lie cannot live"


Martin Luther King



I think she's trying to send me a signal

yes - up there ... see it

"mommy - I'm right here
over here - I'm cold mommy"
"I didn't lie - promise - ah shit
ok maybe once"
 - sending -

"I'm ready to come home now
do you read me?"


mommy - daddy
where are you
I'm lost 
here


all those promises
you made
it's dark


no quarter - over
and out 








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