Tuesday 5 March 2019

PRAYING MANTIS



you will fold your arms and hands
then you will fold
 you will let the rain-water wash you clean






in the prison you choose to live inside  
your church ... your jar

you pray

every day ... the same way - you pray
for a signal ... a tricky trickle of light through your retina embryo
your 'common sense' lens

in your instrument of carnal observation and delicately honed judgement
in curiosity, knowing that we have such little time - waiting 
you look, for some sign of life ... in the mirror pool 
over and over and over again
forever cautious of the shadows ... on guard 
on-look for the deception

  always lurking ... 'look, what's that'? 
you were taught well ... the lies ... the shame
and in your moment of solace, that comforting voice returns

that's a good girl
daddy will take care of you







haunting

 yet oddly alluring ... you take him in again
but like a smart soul
and like any animal or insect with integrity and sharp teeth
you continue to pray for peace and order within yourself
and in the attachments that envelope ... you will submit
surrender ... to that which you cannot change


I am a failure
so it appears








you will learn to love yourself again ... unconditionally
and in the awakening, you will see life again
from your child’s perspective

when you were 6, you sat in a garden 
alone - you don’t remember
in awe of that first praying mantis, you WILL remember it again

maybe you captured it in a glass jar delicately in observation
even with some grass - that it doesn't eat 
so it had food - wishful thinking
like the predator that YOU are
even poking holes in the lid so that he can breathe air

not interested in the grass
not threatened by this captivity
not interested in anything but what's here right now
entertaining eternity








careful observation requires patience
tedious minutes turn into hours
do not disturb
watching - conclusion 


and so, in your benevolent repose you may have even put a stick in the jar
so that you may see it better, only to grow impatient and let it go later
back to it's natural habitat ... into the wild - landing in the familiar

distant thunder - quieter - that single raindrop on your hand, looking up
into the weather - no quarter - no way out

that deafening silence returning, and yet
in that moment you are truly still
in the perfect storm


breathe








 in your macro focus you realize, finally getting it
that consciousness is just what you make it
everything that is “behind” you is just THAT

part of your past

there is nothing more than this green leaf
that you munch on in this moment - like a potato chip
humble and innocent
time stands still ... wide eyed and crystalized
and so, the mantis lands on familiar ground again and re-adapts
but doesn't fly away for the longest time
totally aware
that it's captor is still right there watching intently

no fear


it begins to eat again ... watching in fascination
watching ... learning, then suddenly ... it's gone
it's never enough ... you hunger for more
it's a longing to connect with something bigger and better


but not knowing how







and so in your grieving; in the pain, suffering ...
remorse, despair ... guilt and blame
that was inflicted on you at an early age ... surfacing

you will finally GET that it’s just baggage, garbage
you don’t need to carry it around anymore, like the burden
you were supposed to nurture every day of your life
the curse that you inherited, long ago
and accepted your karmic legacy

that was THEM not you
this ticket is null and void
this hand of cards is a trick, the deck was stacked
redemption arrives ... finally
or does it?  maybe this is a trick too

you question yourself


and so
you will cry for a long time, like you've never cried
weeping for hours in mourning, shivering, totally alone
it will consume you, only momentarily
your memento drifts into a peaceful slumber, yet again
yes ... you will sleep for a long time - always tired
only to awaken to the same mistake you keep making

over and over and over again








like a moth to the flame

you persist
you continually ache for that feeling
of being ripped apart in your heart and then your soul
slow burn ... over and over ... hurts so good
in the charred wreckage you dig down
deep down - into your pit of despair ... abyss management - just one clue
longing for closure, but no ... not yet

you will however, persist ... in your quest for clarity and freedom
sifting through endless chaos theories and utter confusion
where is it?  i know it's here somewhere
 again,  folding, crashing, scraping



P R Y I N G   M N T I S



you will self-destruct and breakdown yet again
only something will finally change

an unscheduled exorcism - departure and arrival
the executioner and the victim inside you will have left you, finally
those little voices in your head that control you will be gone
you will feel lighter ... you will feel healthier

you will feel whole again





awakening

and in this moment of new-found clarity you will release
like you never knew possible
and when you resurface - in your tenuous tenement
and see that your guardian angel is gone
you will let her go with grace and humility
for you will KNOW

that she loves you wherever you go
 only because you do







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Saturday 23 February 2019

ASTRAL

in the end
you end up accepting everything in your life 
suffering, horror, love, loss, hate - all of it

Harry Dean Stanton



A S T R A L
sound up









a jim lamarche remix
from the album ONE LIFE
assembled in logic audio, photoshop and final cut


visit my music page

read more of Jim's blog posts here 
scroll down 


listen to the album ONE LIFE  >>>  HERE















FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH
the story behind astral

another message in a bottle
closing track on ONE LIFE now

stopped me in my tracks and paralysed for a moment
his hands on my shoulders ... gently turning me
"look there"

and it sounded a lot like
"go there" 

when I was putting the music for astral together
I imagined being able to teleport back in time
and snapping random pictures of disturbed people
shell-shocked, some sad, some just numb
some batshit crazy

those who feel that they

have nothing left 
to lose

pulling it all into 3 minutes

to show you what I saw
the music never resolves
in perpetuity

for a reason



for Tom Lodge




jimlamarche.ca

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Saturday 16 February 2019

FAMILY FOTO

life is pleasant, death is peaceful 
it’s the transition that’s troublesome

Isaac Asimov




F A M I L Y  F O T O
sound up


.






a jim lamarche remix
from the album ONE LIFE
assembled in logic audio, photoshop and final cut


visit my music page

read more of Jim's blog posts here 
scroll down 


listen to the album ONE LIFE  >>>  HERE
















FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH
the story behind family foto



there'll be bluebirds over

the white cliffs of dover
tomorrow
when the world is free

it's a song my mom used to sing to me as a child
a lullaby to help me slip into surrender


it's a sound that tickles the limbic
then moves down, grazing the frontal lobe
then further down into my dark body
flickers of light, shapes ... landscapes
passing that place I abandoned
left to decay years ago 
familiar unsettling


seeing it all again
from a distance, then up close
realizing it's a dream, I roll over and fall back asleep
only it returns; this time in greater detail

memories of the family farm
in Eastwood Ontario
this time


for kenneth henry batho
(uncle ken)

1926-2012




jimlamarche.ca

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Tuesday 29 January 2019

STRANGER

there she was, my distraction
my reason to forget everything around me
she was nothing more than a mere stranger

how could someone so unfamiliar
make me this oblivious
reckless, elusive



S T R A N G E R
sound up















a jim lamarche remix
from the album ONE LIFE
assembled in logic audio, photoshop and final cut


visit my music page

read more of Jim's blog posts here 
scroll down 


listen to the album ONE LIFE  >>>  HERE









Thursday 17 January 2019

NUMBER ONE.


3 things on my ‘life to live’ list of tings
 I'd like to do:

1. I want to learn how to paddleboard
2. I want to go skydiving
3. I want to adopt a child 



Taylor Ryan Elliott 
Miss Teen USA finalist - 2015



N U M B EO N E
volume amplification recommended














they're all looking at you
the chosen one



a jim lamarche remix
from the album TWO LIVES
assembled in photoshop, logic audio & final cut

trumpet:  James Lynch
voices:  Vanessa Lancaster & Jim Lamarche



read more of Jim's blog posts here 






FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH
the story behind number one


1964

I first fell in love with Elizabeth Dent
in Woodstock Ontario, in Grade 3
beautiful, humble -  hot
total smoke-show

elegant, timeless, even at 8 years old
I kissed her 3 times under her winter hood
out in the woods behind Springbank School (her idea)
in March '65 - it was surreal

shortly after I turned 9
I found a stack of Dad's playboy mags
stashed under his tool bench
in the basement in a box

Mom was snoozing that afternoon
and he was away - traveling salesman/absent father
on the road a lot

I knew nothing and was curious
flipping through the pages - naked girls/wow 
pulling out the centre-fold
and almost fainting

feeling aroused at 9 even
not a clue and just as well
blondes always my preference
ever since

televised beauty pageants
make-up, high heels - lubricated tanned skin
that provocative smile
tailored to tease

boner ... I mean bonus

our preoccupation with beauty is distracting
my own attractions (still) ... conditionally condoned
how it's supposed to look

how it ends up looking

Elizabeth was my number one
still is













listen to the album ONE LIFE  >>>  HERE 



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Tuesday 15 January 2019

MY WORLD

inside a circle forming low
in a world that only you could know
go slow


M Y  W O R L D 
sound up








for reishi


a jim lamarche remix
from the album ONE LIFE
assembled in logic audio, photoshop and final cut
butterfly FX in adobe premiere

















read more of Jim's blog posts here 
listen to the album ONE LIFE  >>>  HERE 


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