leave a LIGHT on

in the darkness

before the dawn
in the swelling
of this storm

I often wondered - when I was in my 20's
what music would sound like
in 30 years

what life will be like
now here

I'm a fleeting fox in a fragrant forest - ears up
sensing instability, sensing remorse
tripping the light. I'm on-line
 alone - sensing danger 

over there



I beg, borrow and steal, it's what I do - we do 

voices in the embers - tick tock, fading
haunting me and yet I listen still
because it's important
the reverberation
visitation

in my dreams
those I miss
most
 

sinister systems - twister tornados - in line
at Tim Hortons - orders misread
underpaid brown people - right

send it - them back

the Afghan mission was just
an expensive expression
 

millions are
lost from home
in the swelling
swelling on
running round and with a thunder
to bleed from thorns
leave a light, a light on

  


"wait a minute! 
I ordered fake cheese and mustard on this"  
faaaaak - bullshit

where's good service anymore?


sometimes I go away
for a long, long time
but I come home 
eventually
 

the takeaway - is positive change
a shift in consciousness 

we men need to change
hanging on to the horrific horror
in our duty-free damage control default detox
destiny disturbance drifter dreamer detainment

derailment disclaimer

a tragic trajectory written on tireless tombstones
some call it karma - I call it careless

in the darkness before the dawn
in the swelling
of this storm

need to concentrate
no interruptions 

go away

submersed in liquid learning
leaning forward into
soft keystrokes

lamenting

when I'm rolling with the thunder 
but bleed from thorns

sometimes I get swept away
by all this - and I write
on rusted mechanisms
in places I shouldn't
be - let's just say

it helps me
stay focused
sharp


great art is taking something different in
every time you let it in and yet
 remaining a tad chilly
in the aftermath

resistance is
futile

that unseen twist in the triangle
a terrible tragedy

ok, it's dark and it's late
there are strange sounds
out there - lost again 
radio's busted
flying solo 

crash and burn
falling again

"ouch" 

thank god I have 
night vision 

only it does me no good
right here, right now 

trapping fur
methodically
purifies

before the dawn
in the darkness
before the dawn
leave a light, a light on


early 1984 - settling back, electro-static headphones on
wondering what music will sound like
in 30 years, missing the magic

life is a tapestry
connecting the dots is something that comes with time

wisdom is acquired - trust is earned
ya - I'm old




l e a v e  a  L I G H T  o n


 
missing home
don't know where that is anymore 
pressing on



austerity aqualung acquisition acquiescing
illumination on dry land approaching - night parachuting
over water first and then arriving
careening then crashing
red rain 


into the trees
dangling

dripping


lost

 

requiem

 i'm not afraid of your suffering

i'm not afraid of your joy

i'm not afraid of your hunger ... your desire

i'm not afraid of your rage

i'm not afraid of your love

i'm not afraid of your lies ... or your truth

or of the prisons you choose to live inside

r  e  q  u  i  e  m

i see you

i feel you

i need you

i love you

nuclear winter
"doctor - just give me something"

I'm cold - need heat

it's a dream I keep having
magic mushrooms
in a bad trip
make it go
away
  

i am become death

the destroyer of worlds

 J. Robert Oppenheimer

temple redux
 
Feral/stray rescue dogs and cats make the best friends.  It's a "thank you" that transcends the spirit - lover arrive.  That look when you feed them - touch them.   If all you can see is what doesn't work, then you will live in a world where nothing works. 

It's all so simple really - you do what you want to do - what feels right, then whatever happens, just happens.  If people get it?  It's just a bonus.  If not - then you let go and move on.  I just really need to create stuff like this, because it rings true, to me.   

First the music, then years later (and with new tools), the pictures.  I'd like to think that it's a unique perspective, that means something - (even if it's just to me).  We Canadians are so afraid.  I've seen it first-hand, reading hundreds of posts/threads on the CBC website over the past week.  I really like going there to look, because it's a psycho-social barometer that measures the spirit of us.  We are scared shitless after the ISIS bombings in Paris - questioning the Muslim faith.  Many Canadians are like those who slow down to gawk at the carnage but won't get out of our cars to actually help anyone.  Not something we want any part of.

No.  We don't want to live like that - die like them.  So keep them AFAP (as far as possible).   HOW are we supposed to do this - and what if they kill us after we let them in?  I mean WTF, "do I look like a tampon to you"?

 




change

In late 1988, I went to see a film, “The Last Temptation of Christ”, knowing little about it other than it was Scorsese - and that’s all I needed to know.   When the film began, I was immediately struck by the soundtrack/music which hypnotized me until the end of it and saw the music composer credit … Peter Gabriel (right of course).  I was fascinated by the cross-pollination of ambient tones blended with tribal rhythms, exotic reeds/winds/voices all leaving me spellbound/transfixed and riveted for weeks/months, even years to follow.  I was already a big Gabriel fan … this was over the top amazing!   I had been listening to vinyl discs up until then and none of the 'Passion' pressings translated so I ended up buying my first CD player in 1989 and I was blown away, listening to this album that he released (film soundtrack), over and over again through my STAX electrostatic headphones. 

I'm thinking that this mix of sounds was going to take off and I loved it so here we go - gathering ethnic samples and laying down tragic rhythms, very new - a bigger picture.  Then there was Gabriel's WOMAD (1984-1988).  It was an ethnic music fusion festival touring world-wide that fizzled (not enough white sugar - guessing).  World music was just more interesting. 

I started experimenting with this "new world" music genre at home in my studio electronically with samples (early 90’s) - mixing in real instruments (musicians I met who were into same), eventually receiving for a grant from Toronto Arts Council to record and FACTOR (Foundation to Assist Canadian Talent on Record) for overdubbing and mixing between 1994 and 1996 when the first draft of the album was released on CD.   One condition on receiving the $12K FACTOR loan was that I needed to deliver 50 CD’s to their office within 90 days of issuing the funds or they would recall the loan.   So now there’s a deadline and that killed it.  I delivered the box of CD’s to their office but the album was nowhere near being finished.   The project (in it’s unfinished state) received a luke-warm response and I shelved it for 6 years, having run out of funding/inspiration and no way to continue.  

Granted, Temple was/is a very strange, dark creature.  People generally had no idea what to make of it and it was/is impossible to categorize anymore.  As brilliant as Gabriel's "Passion" was, it was delegated to the 'film soundtrack' bin/back of the music store and it was his least successful work as a composer/performer.  I still had to release the album, IN the timeline I was given. 

It was my last plunge - I did it and it hurt lots - but it's finished ...

My requiem for a dream ...

When Pro-Tools LE was released (desktop digital audio workstation) in 2002, I pulled Temple out, dusted it off, loaded it all into my Mac computer and spent 4 years dissecting/editing and polishing it at home.  In 2011, I remastered it using WAVE plug-ins and was proud to say in April 2012 that Temple was finally DONE (now Temple Redux), after finishing the artwork myself.  The prose, "I'm not afraid ...", (top) was performed/spoken (gargoyles) by Toronto vocalist Alla Kadysh in Russian-Jewish/Hebrew.  Voices in Requiem by Jim Lamarche and Pedro Aznar who went on to perform with Pat Metheny.  Winds and electronic reeds by Ron Allen.  Fretless bass and Chapman Stick by the brilliant Toronto musician/composer, the late Alun Davies who took his own life in 2008.

Requiem is dedicated to my friend Alun.  His talent/gift always astounded me ...
http://www.jazzworkscanada.com/the-tune-up-blog-archive/new-jazzworks-scholarship-honours-alun-davies 

So, can an album of music actually take 18 years to make?  This one did.  The clip was recently created to commemorate the project featuring Requiem and Gargoyles, the first two tracks on the album.

nocturne

take this kiss upon the brow

and in parting from you now

thus much let me avow …

you are not wrong who deem

that my days have been a dream

n o c t u r n e

yet if hope has flown away

in a night or in a day

in a vision or in none

is it therefore the less gone?

all that we see or seem

is but a dream within a dream

i stand amid the roar

of a surf-tormented shore

and I hold within my hand

grains of the golden sand …

how few! yet how they creep

through my fingers to the deep

while I weep … while I weep

oh God! can I not save

one from the pitiless wave?

is all that we see or seem

but a dream within a dream

edgar allan poe




and so it began

 

spearmint lake

it's what I saw - when I looked up and out, and for once in my life, it felt like I was in the loop.


In May 1991, I received an Ontario Arts Council grant to fly into a remote lake in northern Ontario to record an ambient album.  

Spearmint Lake is about 60km northeast of Chapleau Ontario, high up on a ridge surrounded by towering cliffs of centuries old limestone and an open sky - no roads to this place and no one around.  I rented a generator and a van - some gear and packed up my studio - some synths, my Apple Macintosh “MacPlus” computer/Performer MIDI sequencer, some expensive microphones and headed north that August having absolutely no idea what I was doing.  The $9000, I received from the grant allowed me a short window to go up there for 7 days to explore the possibilities that summer.  My brother David and I had visited the lake the previous August fishing (monster pike) - we were totally alone in a humble tent camp with a 14 foot aluminum boat and a 10hp motor - it was amazing/breathtaking!  Spooky, especially after dark.  A quiet fire crackling on the only tiny sand beach near the tent - looking up into that sky - beyond words.  We had front row seats to the universe, knowing I had to return.  I wondered how amazing it would be, to have a recording studio up here - on the water!   Right - one of my many musical fantasies at the time.

When we landed on the calm lake (about 2km across) in our beaver aircraft a year later, our familiar camp had been torn up by a bear and I was a tad freaked out, spending the first day repairing the tent and setting up.  The idea was to build a raft that could hold my gear - powered by the generator which was buried back in the woods and a super long (heavy duty) power cable on styrofoam floatations so I could set up my synths and send drones out in the lake (to record the amazing circular echoes coming back) with PA speakers and 1000 watt amps, and capturing it all with an ambisonic mic (surround) into a portable DAT recorder (drifting 100 meters away on a canoe), so I could bring it all back to Toronto and properly mix it in a real recording studio.

I remember the first time there, standing in the boat and loudly projecting a long musical note and listening to the echos going around the lake both directions for about 30-40 seconds.  It sent shivers up our spines - so quiet, so dark - so haunting - almost unreal.  Ok, Spearmint Lake (the album) was ambitious,  I'll give it that but it didn’t quite work as expected.  The lake-drone stuff was useless BUT WOW - what happened in that tent over the time I was there?  Incredible and unforgettable.  Candles burning at 2am - always an ear out for what might be a returning bear that could tear through that tent like a hot knife through butter.  Best part - going back to the generator at 4am (alone) to put gas in the it with a flashlight - creepy/riveting!  I didn’t sleep the whole time I was there - didn’t need to.  I had been fortunate in taking in the Brian Eno/Daniel Lanois ambient masterpiece “Apollo” a few short years earlier, recorded at Grant Avenue Studio, Hamilton, having actually been at the studio producing a pop album for the Halifax band Screaming Trees and got to be around the making of Apollo in it’s later (mix) stages and it inspired me only I wanted mine to be different - a project that took a few years to realize and was a real stretch.  I wasn’t sure exactly … only knowing it had to be outdoors - same mood, different smell. Accessing the dream-state with the intent of documenting it aurally/visually.  

The lake had a sound all it's own.  A single family of loons on the lake and their calls were really out of this world ... chilling.  Being there even just with microphones/recorders was a real treat.  Problem was - the weather was disagreeable, raining most of the time so I didn’t get to do the lake stuff.  I did get set up twice out on the lake but it was overwhelming technically - didn't foresee that.    I set up the main studio in the tent (my contingency plan), hoping the bear wouldn’t return; (right - wishful thinking - yes it did on day 5 and I stayed out on the raft overnight from then on).  No sleep (ok little).  First 4 days were the best.

On the first night I was there after a long day of set-up - I sat on the lakes edge as the sun went down and got to see the most spectacular light-show I’d ever seen as it got darker - up in the sky.  Later that evening very late, I stepped inside my tent and started recording synth drones in the temporary tent studio I had set up and mixing in the SFX I’d captured earlier in the day in samples loaded into my Roland S550 sampler.  I recorded Aurora Borealis in about an hour.  That’s what I did the whole time I was there essentially - recording nature out in the woods - getting wet but worth it, then making music in the tent studio.  Magic.  All very crude but it worked.  Over the following week, I was all inspired by this amazing place.  Two years later, I finished Spearmint Lake in my home studio on Westminster Ave, Parkdale Toronto and remastered it in 2013.  These two tracks are the opening pieces on the album.

Some of these pictures in the clip were taken by me and others gathered from the internet just recently - August 2015 (23 years later).  It takes me back to a time when I was on top of my game.  Shaking/shivering out in the middle of nowhere and shaking at what was totally unknown - ok not knowing if this project would ever become a reality (or if I’d be around to tell this story). 

So yeah, the whole idea is to listen to the clip whilst reading.

 
It was a fascinating time of my life.  I was 36 years old and I felt like a kid - a child - in love with life doing what I loved doing.  Sleeping for days after getting back - mixing for months/years afterwards. 

Bringing this back - brings ME back.  The universe is sending me a message and I'm passing it along.  Tripping the light ...

This is a snapshot of a place where no-one lives - anymore




click to enlarge maps

.

Hillary Hater

"America is not ready to give a woman that much power"

On November 9th, 2016; the day after the recent Presidential election in the U.S. 
I posted a Facebook post that said  


"Hillary's biggest fault is that she is a woman"

 

I was deeply saddened by America's decision to elect Donald Trump and it's clear to me now that whatever progress has been made by Barack Obama in his 8 years in the chair; will be flushed down the toilet by a new Republican guard and that everyone will suffer.

It's a splintered political party recreated in turmoil, greed, back-stabbing chaos and moronic malevolence - that fundamentally has no interest in "making America great again", but more-so segregating and dividing the nation (the world).  Now his electorate eagerly anticipates action on all his promises, like children whose parents promised them ice-cream after Sunday school ... particularly the big six: The Wall, Lock Up Hillary, Deport the Illegals, Seal off America to Muslims, Repeal Obamacare, and force companies to Bring Back Those Jobs from Overseas (Trump's signature clothing line is made in China - ah what does that tell you)?  Let the games begin!  Beyond all this, it is also clear to me that sexism was a very real part of the outcome and that yes, Hillary lost for one BIG reason, the biggest of them all ...
 
Because she is a woman.

The Facebook post brought about mostly agreement (by about 9 women and 3 men who 'liked' my post) but it also brought about a severe reaction - specifically amongst certain men who vehemently disagreed with my position with a myriad of real facts about what's real  here. 

I posted it knowing that there would be disagreement (even welcoming it); points of view that could bring about insight into human nature and why?  I wasn't expecting the anger though.

  

It became very obvious to me as the thread unfolded and they piously pounded their vapid assertions; that they (like millions of others) righteously HATE Hillary Clinton and were clearly enjoying her demise - callously orchestrated by Donald Trump (who they say they didn't like either BUT quietly favoured him regardless).  Realizing I was tapping into a bigger picture.

For me, her loss has really very little to do with her many improprieties - her lies, manipulation and questionable ethics.  Her flagrant disregard for communication protocols or even her own malignant agenda - that yes, were even unacceptable to me (even though he is guilty of all of the above X 10 - irrelevant/doesn't matter)!  "Stick to the point", one guy "friend" sternly told me (like I'm being redirected to stay focused).  Well, this IS my point!  It's called hypocrisy.   

No it became painfully evident, that just by throwing the gender card out there, that there was/is a hidden agenda at play which boils down to this: People, even FB friends (men and women) in North America (by and large), hate Hillary Clinton because she is a woman ...

Who wants way more than she deserves! 
 
You see, there are certain women who look right and others who don't.  My theory is that if you're going to be an influential woman in America; particularly one who wants to be in a position of power, you still need to look and act a certain way or else you simply won't be taken seriously.  Hillary didn't fit, not pretty anymore (if ever), that forced/calculated smile, those ugly fucking pant-suits (hiding her fat ass) and that harsh/scratchy voice - ok, those disgusting glasses she wears.  Hillary's biggest set-back is that she reminds stupid white men of their ex-wives, when they would (in fact) prefer to look elsewhere.  I mean ok, what's up with her (old woman) hair?  Yuk  ... not a chance.  

Ok, I'm thinking - like totally ... a professional make-over?  Is long overdue.

Now Melania?  Ok, now we're talkin'!  Even women themselves, after having seen what he can do/say unapologetically; relentlessly criticizing them because they're fat or ugly or speak up when they should just shut up?  Doesn't matter. Tens of millions of them still want Donald in the oval office over Hillary - why?  Because he fits their idea of what a person looks like - who has that kind of power and control in America and I mean OMG!  She is a princess!

 
What I learned from this is that Trump tapped into America's unexposed underbelly - and its (his) underlying hatred of women - especially those who think they can just step up and be President of the United States and that ultimately?  "Nasty" women get what they deserve.  For me, this election revealed what had been submerged/suppressed - now clearly visible.
  

Misogynists are just fine by Americans

Women in POWER are not

and most American women
are ok with that 

Don't get me wrong
misinterpret me

Maybe President Trump is a good thing
because it allows us to see 
what's really going on
so we can

fix it
   

H  I  L  L  A  R  Y    H  A  T  E  R

For now and most importantly, 
it is collectively decided

that Hillary is not qualified for the job

but Donald is

Something we need to respect

and so in closing

For all you Hillary haters out there

who stand by all your logical conclusions

Having meticulously categorized all your complaints

in nice neat little boxes (with your jabbering justifications)

that can be passed down and around to all those

who share your convictions?

It's your anger - that gives you away